Love is

I didn't give you the gift of life, But in my heart I know. The love I feel is deep and real, As if it had been so.

For us to have each other Is like a dream come true! No, I didn't give you The gift of life, Life gave me the gift of you. --- Unknown


Friday, June 6, 2014

Doodles Story

I have rolled this over in my head a million times as to how to start, how to capture this little ball of joy and energy into words.  So I will start at the beginning,  I wasn't by her side, so the details come from my distant perspective. 

This is the story of a precious baby girl hand crafted by God in her mothers womb,  a womb that didn't belong to me but there is no doubt she was shaped and designed to be a Ferguson (more on that later).   This is how her life began.  She was born way to early and her tiny body wasn't ready to survive in this world.

 
She was not alone,  She had family members who prayed for her and loved her and pulled her through.  The spoke to her and stood by her side and helped care for her.  Wonderful doctors and nurses fought to keep her alive. During this time through some sweet friends Lee and Kaykay (her great Uncle and Aunt) we heard about and prayed for this precious baby to survive and thrive.  She was a fighter and was (and is  still:) ) stubborn, she was going to live! We got to see glimpse of her though them.  I only saw her once briefly in person when she was around seven month old, she was tiny, closer to the size of a baby only a month old.  I had no idea that day what God knew.  Had I known can you imagine how differently that meeting may have been?  She waltz out of my life as quickly as she came in.  Months later this sweet girl had been through some rough times and her Aunt and Uncle took her in,  they knew God had a plan for her but I don't think they had any idea how it would play out.  In June of last year I got to meet her again, she was chubby and sassy and oh so adorable.  We were waiting (not so patiently) on our match with our daughter in China.  We had begun to wonder what God was doing :) When we heard this little girl needed a forever home we knew why our match hadn't come.  We felt almost immediately like she was meant to be ours but she had a family who were reeling with emotions and struggling with what would be best for her, trying to keep their own feelings at bay.  This little girl is loved beyond measure by so many.  During this time I began helping the family take care of her,  knowing that she might never be my daughter but trying to use every moment with her to pour all my love and prayer over her.  I tried not to get too attached,  I tried to love her as someone else's' child but my heart betrayed me :)) HAVE YOU SEEN THIS CHILD?  Not only is she beautiful but if that doesn't get you when she crawls up in your lap and opens her mouth you are a goner!  This is a picture of her the very first day I got to watch her.
 
We also during this time left the doors open with our China adoption, we had no idea if this sweetie would come to us or not, and without that assurance you don't close the doors to China :) We were also aware that there was a slim chance that we would end up with two daughters before this was over depending on how it all played out.  Now keep in mind we started our second adoption journey looking for one little girl, yet at the time we met doodle we had already opened our heart to our sweet Elijah and had changed the plan from one adoption to two.  So if the perfect storm occurred we would be adopting three children.  Yes I know you are asking your self if we are crazy right now.  The answer would be yes! Crazy blessed, and keenly aware of how many more children need homes.  Soooo (trying to keep this short) through prayer and love members of her birth family came on board.  God was weaving... so to shorten this story,  paperwork was file late last year to give temporary conservatorship to David and I and doodles great Uncle and Aunt.  We still had much work and paperwork to do.  Nothing was certain, and far from final.  As Gods crazy plan unfolded our sweet Eva (from China) was presented to us,  we had no doubt this was our daughter.  You can only imagine the roller coaster of emotion.  So we proceeded with a sure thing, praying for God to work all the details out.  It is amazing how our two adoptions in China were finalized and more permanent conservatorship (and termination of parental rights) aligned so perfectly that neither adoptions were affected.  So today... Three months after we held our sweet Eva for the first time... we walked into the courtroom and were granted final and forever adoption of this beautiful little girl, whom we have named Aubrey Kate Ferguson.  She wasn't born into the wrong family, God just expanded hers to make something beautiful.  She is silly and sassy and stubborn.  Her smile lights up her face and our hearts, and her giggle is infectious. She is so much like her cousin Alyssa its as if God modeled her after her.  She is strong willed like every one of my children.  She is creative and draws people to her just like her biggest sister. She is compassionate like her biggest brother. She can handle Ariana (lol) and is gentle enough to play by her baby sister Eva. She and Elijah will soon be teaming up to entertain us. She is God designed to fit just so into all our lives. She is her Daddies girl and her Momma's little love. She giggled her way into our hearts and we are more than blessed to call her our daughter. 
Aubrey Kate
 
I want to say thank you to those in her birth family that have chosen to love without condition, and to give her the gift of a family and crazy brothers and sister.  We know the grief and the pain you have walked through to come to that place.  We are grateful for your love for Aubrey and for your sacrifice.  None of us take it for granted,  we know the magnitude of the gift you gave her and the cost to you.  I am so excited to watch this little girl grow up and so happy that she has this huge family that crosses blood lines to love her. 
 
...And that is the best this writer could do to tell the huge story in just a few words.
 
 
Thank you God for this precious family you have woven, there is no denying your handy work... I pray I can live everyday honoring the gifts you have given us.
 
So moral of the story... go adopt... It is amazing! ( and yes hard too) (but mostly amazing) 




Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Finding balance

We are slowly finding a new normal, days are calmer and the kids are settling into routines.  We are still swamped with doctor visits and therapists as we figure out exact plans for the two new little ones and meld them into already existing therapy and doctors for the other two littles. Elijah and Ariana are definatly best friends.  I love watching them and I am so happy they have each other.  We are struggling with him following her lead instead of what we say, but that will come with time.  Eva is growing (developmentally) in leaps and bounds. She will be running with doodle soon enough.  They have begun to interact with each other and when they do it is always a giggle fest. So cute.

You would think in all the chaos my heart would be closed to adopting.  It isn't, and I have come to the conclusion it never will be.  I ache for each and every one of the children who have no home.  I always think, we could take in one more.  I know that is unrealistic right now so my heart is searching for other ways to help them.  I have a million ideas flowing through my head. I have to do something or my heart will burst! I cannot bear the thought that they are out there waiting and waiting as I allow life to trickle by.  So here is a little something...

If I could say anything it would be this,  if you have ever for a moment considered adoption... Do it! If you have made the list of all the reasons why you can't I beg you to look into their eyes and see if that list matters anymore. I promise it won't.  Your life will never be at the perfect place to do it.  Something will always get in the way.  Please hear me... They cannot wait for you to be ready... They are waiting now.  Every single moment of every day without a dad and mom is to many.  They need you! If you are beyond the place on life where you would consider adopting please pray about a way to help, imagine your child or grandchild all alone in this world, wouldn't you want more than anything for someone to come to their rescue? To love them and hold them and protect them?  There are families ready to go get one of these but are struggling with the financial part, maybe you could help them?  Do a fund raiser for them or stand beside them in prayer and encouragement. At the very least pray for each child to find a home.  Just do something... We are Gods hands and feet, and no God doesn't "need" is to do this, but I can promise you, you will find no greater joy and fulfillment than stepping out and letting God use your hands and feet to bless the least of these.

:) I love you all...

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Happy Friendly Little Elijah Miles Ferguson

Elijah came to us, very unsure.  We won him over in the beginning with toys but as soon as his nanny left his world flipped upside down and he was going to fight it.  It took a couple hours but he warmed up and began to let us in.   Until we told him no the first time :) He would have major melt downs when he didn't get his way.  We stood our ground gently but firmly, letting him know that we would love him and take care of him, but that we were in charge.  Many parents of adopted kids shy away from this thinking they cant say no or discipline at all at first,  I feel just the opposite.  I feel that structure and strength help a child that has been on their own feel safe for the first time ever.  Some kids fight it, and you have to take different approaches for each child.  For Elijah he need it, he needed words and guidance for the first time ever, and it needed to makes sense.  He is very Uninterested in learning language.  Ariana came to us craving words and learned so fast.  Elijah has no time for learning he just wants to play.  When we talk to him he stares at us blankly and then nods his head like "ya.. that's great... can I go now?"  It is funny but very frustrating to not be able to communicate and to try and teach him things, we do a lot of sign mime sign to get the point across. Mostly he is confused.  he is very smart and sneaky and funny and happy and sweet and loving... He is kind to his siblings and loves his daddy very much, me he likes a lot lol.  We are working hard to bond with him, and it gets all jumbled up with teaching and correcting and day to day like. Adopting young child is amazing but it does take work to form a bond, it doesn't just happen naturally because they don't need you to do as much for them.  I love this sweet boy,  I am blessed beyond measure to be his momma.  He loves his big sister very much and they run around holding hands,  he even laughs when she dresses him up in girly clothes and high heals,  he ran around with a purple crown on his head for days.  Daddy says he needs some boy activities lol. He plays so well will each of the kids and wants to hug and kiss everyone,  which we are working on.  So when you see us please don't be offended when we stop him from running up and hugging you.  Yes it is sweet, but it is also not safe for him to give affection to total strangers. We have to teach him who it is ok to greet with a hug, and for now that must be restricted to family until he understands the difference.  Please help us by not picking him up or asking for a hug,  we are allowing him to hug people we know from church and friends but only after we do, we are teaching him to follow our lead.  So if you aren't comfortable hugging me and daddy please don't try and hug our new adopted ones :)

Here is a picture of Elijah when we met him. This is after his nanny left and he fought hard to get to here for a while, he was exhausted and clumsy ninja saved the day.


After a few days with us...



My sweet happy boy :)

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

The real Eva Meili Ferguson


On March 6, 2014 we received a tiny gorgeous baby girl.  She was handed to us crying and immediately went into what we call her koala hold.  She let me console her and even calmed down but refused to look at anyone on interact in anyway.  For the next few days she cried if we moved and wailed if we put her down.  She could only take about 3-4 ounces of formula at a time.  She clearly had never had anything in her mouth but a bottle.  She would stare ate food and watch us put it in our mouth but gagged and threw up when I put it in her mouth. Everything scared her, especially the water in the shower or bath.  She would not sit in a stroller of high chair.  Slowly over the next few days in China she let us put her down with toys (but only in the room) and she didn't know how to play with them and none of them when in or close to her mouth.  She would bang them together and rock side to side. She didn't explore toys or us or anything else. She couldn't walk and didn't really crawl, more of scooting on her tummy. She wouldn't make eye contact with us at all and would not interact.  I had prepared for this,  but even I began to wonder if she was ok, or if something else was wrong, I was afraid she couldn't interact.  This was the first (and only in China) smile we got and I had to work very hard for it.
 She has continued to slowly come out of her shell.  She is eating many different kinds of first foods (baby food).  She also eats rice cereal and bananas twice a day.  She is also taking 6-8 ounces of formula in between.  She is smiling at me all the time, and reaching for me.  She almost giggled at daddy and she is interacting with us now.  She plays with and chews on toys.  She even danced with her siblings when they played wii dance.  She comes out of her shell more and more everyday and it is amazing and beautiful to watch.  She is healthy and happy and trusting us more and more. She went from crying when put down to now grabbing toys to play with. She will now walk holding our fingers without crying, and I expect to see her crawling soon.  Her legs are cold all the time so we have been exercising them, which makes her smile like crazy.  I cannot wait to see what she does next and finally her her giggle and babble.  Oh and btw Idk if I missed posting this on the blog but Eva can definitely hear us, she responds to all kinds of sounds.  She is a silly fun amazing baby girl and I am so blessed to be her Mommy.

Eva after being home a week


Next blog to follow soon : Happy Friendly Little Elijah Miles Ferguson

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Home

Well we have been home for 5 day and I am just coming up for air.  We had a loooong exhausting trip home.  Eva was fussy on the entire flight, never really slept long. She never screamed but she fussed and fussed and tossed around. Elijah slept a long time and then woke up grumpy.  We had toys and activities for him but we didn't get to use them like we did with Ariana.  He is a great kid, but so different from Ariana in many ways.  He is finally watching us enough to learn some signs.  However being a boy he would much rather play than learn words.  Eva is still very clingy but will play by herself some.  She hates getting strapped in the car seat, but she pretty much hates being put down for any reason :).  Our last couple days in China were good, we had a relaxed time at Shamien island,  I so miss staying there this adoption trip, but no one really stays there anymore :( it was just so nice to be on a secluded little island and be able to go out and wander around with your child.  Outside the Garden was very busy city streets with lots of traffic, and even though many adoptive families stayed there we only got to meet a few and didn't really get to know them :( I missed everyone staying close and all playing outside or in the hotel play room.  Anyway the hotel was amazingly beautiful, out room was so nice and roomy... And breakfast was yummy.  Outside was a gorgeous garden with a walking path and waterfall.  So I am not complaining, just missing what was.

So here is a brief blurb about adopting two at once.  Having done this both ways I have to say adopting one was much more relaxed, comfortable and fun.  I wouldn't have wanted to make either of my children wait another day, so I have no regrets.  However our bonding time with Ariana was much better and easier because we only had her.  She got more of us, and I guess I have some mom guilt because I couldn't give either of the newest ones my complete attention.  Elijah got is for two days alone, but they were busy days.  Eva was more needy and I felt like I didn't get to bond as fast with Elijah because I was taking care of her.  Again I am absolulty not complaining, but I have promised to be honest,  adopting two at one time is harder and more stressful.  Maybe had they both been older this would not have been the case. :)

Now back to the good stuff.  They are both gorgeous sweet kids and I love thems so.  I cried like a baby walking through the doors at the airport and seeing my other kids and all my family waiting for us. Elijah was a bit overwhelmed but it didn't take long for him to warm up. Eva let her big brother hold her first and didn't seem to mind others holding her.  I couldn't wait to hug my babies, I missed them so... I still miss my firstborn, there was a huge hole where she belonged at the airport and here at home since.  I hope to see her soon.  Elijah and Ariana are best buddies already.  I expected this, but it is so sweet too see.  She is (mostly) very kind to him.  She is showing him the ropes and they run off holding hands all the time.  We have seen a few more Eva smiles since we got home, and she is now happily taking cereal and also enjoyed some peas.  We have decided to take it slow and introduce foods carefully much like a younger baby.  We are not going to rush her out of this baby stage she is in, it is good for bonding.  It is bittersweet, sad that she is so delayed, but sweet that we will see her first steps and be a part of many other baby firsts with her.

I love having them here and the truth is this is so hard, physically and emotionally.  We are still getting use to Texas time again and so still very tired but much better than a few days ago.  I am so thankful for my family,  they took care of so much while we were gone and are willing to do whatever we need now that we are home.  I am truly blessed.  In keeping with my whole "truth on this blog thing". I have not done so well this last week,  sheer exhaustion and stress has left me with little patience and I have felt like a horrible mommy.  Please pray for me that I find my feet and get organized, and that I have the time to spend with my Daddy to keep my spirit calm so I can be a kind loving momma.

***Please keep our Children's pastor in your prayers, her mother went to heaven this week,  my heart aches for her and her family,  please pray God comfort them and give them strength and hope amidst grief.  ***

I will update more later, I know this one was long over due.

Love to all
Kathy

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Sorry for not blogging more

I am sorry I haven't gotten more blogging in.  I knew we would be busy but it is funny how much more time it takes when there are two little ones and one is a baby that cries every time we remove her from the koala hold. Which we don't mind but it makes it hard to get things done.  She has not been feeling well, running a fever and very fussy.  She is still playing with her toys but we cannot get her to interact with is much yet.  She seems to live inside a little shell and she cannot come out for long yet but we are trusting that she will. :). Elijah is having less melt downs, learning to listen, he is very sweet and very friendly.... Ok he is a flirt lol blowing kisses at all the pretty young girls and touching everything and everyone.  He is silly and rambunctious and all boy.  Then he will run up and wrap those sweet arms around me... I love him sooooo, I love her sooo and I am extremely excited to get them home to meet their siblings and cousins and aunts and grandparents :) and all the wonderful people that made it possible for them to come home.

This trip has been very fast in many ways, I feel like we haven't had time to slow down and enjoy much.  We went to the safari park yesterday but Eva's fever spiked and it was just too cold and wet, so after a fun train ride the driver took the princess and I back to the room.  We hung out while dad and Elijah enjoyed the animals :) today we were suppose to site see but we felt it best to keep the little one in for the day. Tomorrow is consulate appointment :))) and then we have one last run to trust mart/ Walmart.  Thursday we spend the day packing and preparing to come home!! So ready to hug my family!!!! I miss beef, real beef and our church and being able to chat with anyone I see in target or at the gas station.  I am so ready to be able to strap my kids in the car and go to Walmart and get anything I am wanting :) I am ready to cook familiar foods and pic up the phone and call ppl instead of texting everything.  I am not complaining I love China and this time has been easier, we know the foods better and understand how things work. I am also painfully aware that we will be leaving the place our babies have always known and taking them to a world that will be strange and unfamiliar.  It is bitter sweet.  I am thankful for this journey and all we have learned, I am blessed to have such amazing friends and family.  I am honored that God allowed me to walk this road , to parent these amazing kids.  Thank you all for your love and prayers and support.

Pray our sweet girl feels better by our flight home and that the rest of us stay healthy :)

Oh and we arrive Friday at 4:30 if you want to be a part of the airport welcome home celebration... Just ask my mom or sister for more details... Or inbox me if you aren't Facebook friends with them.

Love,
Me

Friday, March 7, 2014

Sweet babies and lots of change.

So in the most uneventful manner possible Eva officially became a Ferguson. She is getting more comfortable and confident with us.  If you have seen my Facebook you know she has been playing a little on the floor and she even pulled herself up to a standing position. She has also crawled a little to follow us when she gets mad that we put her down.  She likes the stroller but only when it is moving, if it stops she screams. :) Elijah seems to have a good day then a rough day. Yesterday was pretty good, today was bad, he threw several fits.  He is testing everything and hates to be told no. So today in a store he threw himself in the floor about 3 times. He is learning slowly that that's doesn't help him... But he has to try.  Having no way to communicate is frustrating but mostly he just wants what he wants and to do what he wants and he is GOING to do it. Lol then after a fit is over he is super sweet and loving... Today we had our medical appointments and they both did pretty well (other than a few Elijah fits) he got really mad at the people who drew his blood for the tb test and he told me all about it, even pointed them out :) they are both amazing kids and considering the changes in their lives they are doing very well.  I adore them,  I cannot wait until all my babies are together for the first time... Hmm now how to steal Ashlyn away from school long enough to make that happen :D

We still have a busy week ahead before we can come home.  Keep praying for us, we feel very blessed.

Love to you all!