Love is

I didn't give you the gift of life, But in my heart I know. The love I feel is deep and real, As if it had been so.

For us to have each other Is like a dream come true! No, I didn't give you The gift of life, Life gave me the gift of you. --- Unknown

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Fundraising and more fundraising...

We have been so busy planning and adding more fund raisers to our list.  We had our Cheeburger Cheeburger fundraiser and had some great support.  We have not received word yet as to the exact amount raised, I hope to hear in the next day or so. It isn't a huge fund raiser but every single dollar counts.  Our homestudy is done and favorable, we are just waiting, not so patiently, for the official copy.  Then onto filing our Uscis forms and the long wait to get them back begins.  We already have many of the things we need for our dossier, so that is good.  We will then try and keep busy by filling out applications for every grant under the sun... and of course more fund raising :).

For families thinking about adopting, I feel like I need to address something.  This fund raising is tough stuff, more emotionally than physically.  The physical part can be a bit draining, but emotionally, to me, this is the hard part.  There are so many judgmental people, people who have their own opinion about our fund raising (and about our adoption).  Their comments are so draining sometimes.  People who are suppose to be friends, and even sometimes family members, begin to avoid you, and I don't mean because you are asking for money.  We are doing an amazing project, called Both Hands, one for the widow and one for the orphan.  We have needed a team, a rather large team of people to help make this a success. So I have written letters, sent out invites in many ways and even talked to some people directly.  I have been allowing all of the not so good responses to weigh on me.  I cannot fathom not wanting to help with this project, it cost the team members nothing but time.  Yet it is a direct reflection of James 1:27. So I have found myself feeling frustrated and angry, and trying to figure out why I feel this way.  These are people I love, that I know love me.  So I have been talking to God, and asking Him why I am feeling this way, what is it that bothers me so?  I believe I have found some clarity.  I realized, their rejection is playing on my own insecurities and fears.  I took their rejection as a rejection of me, as if by saying no, or they were too busy that somehow they were saying I wasn't good enough.  It felt like they were saying "no I am sorry, I don't believe in you, or what you feel you are called to do" .  The little girl in me is longing for support, and to be surrounded in a cocoon of faith and love from my friends and family.  I dream, literally and in my heart of having fundraisers where we are blown away by the support.  I read blogs of other adoptive families and hear there stories of the number of people that came to help them, and I ache for that.  I think because this journey can feel very lonely.  Most days, it feels like people don't really understand. Of course there is the enemy whispering in my ear, that I am not good enough, telling me people would be more supportive of a different couple.  Pointing out all the things that didn't go as well as we hoped, and even telling me that God blesses other peoples fund raisers but not ours.  It is exhausting... and I have to fight my way out of those lies far to often. 

If you are reading this, and you know of a family that is walking their own adoption journey, please I beg you, go to them, tell them all the time you believe in them and what they are doing.  Remind them constantly of the good God is doing. Support every fundraiser, even if you don't have a dime to give, that doesn't matter, God can still use you to carry them through.  There is always something you can do. Point out all the positive things people are doing to support. because there is truth in that.  For every doubter, there is another who believes, I AM supported, and loved and encouraged by a group of people.  However the enemy is sly and he knows my weaknesses.  I can also tell you he has fought my family every single step of the way.  It happened through out our first adoption journey and it is happening again. This time the financial amount is greater and their are two lives to be ransomed.  This road, though amazing and beautiful and worth it, is HARD, and lonely, and scary.  It makes you question everything you are and what you are capable of. The enemy has attacked our family, our finances, our home, our marriage and our health, all since we stepped out on faith a second time.  Speaking of...

I will not give up... I will not stop fighting until I step off that plane onto American soil with my babies in my arms.  I will pray and cry and fund raise, I will fight.  Although I may be weak at times I will always get back up, because I don't do what I do in my own strength, it is Gods, and His strength is infinite.  I may feel afraid, but fear will not control me, I will keep going.  I may not know where the money is coming from, but I don't have to know because I know God does.  I may feel alone, but I cling to the promise that "He will never leave me or forsake me".  I may be sad or angry sometimes when the weight of the words spoken in doubt distract me... but I will always, always go back to this... Gods words declares over and over that we are to care for the widow and the orphan... I am walking out that word, and simply for that reason alone, God will meet me, He will bless us, HE will bring His children, especially chosen by Him to be my children into my home.  He will complete this work!

Sigh... just needed to put that out there.  Let me also say, THANK YOU to every one who has been there, praying, supporting both emotionally and physically our fund raising efforts.  Thank you to those who have stepped outside their own lives and given of their time for these precious babies,  and thank you for everyone who has joined our team,  God loves what you are doing for the widow and the orphan, and I know it makes Him smile...

Sorry for the scattered post, I love you all.


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