Love is

I didn't give you the gift of life, But in my heart I know. The love I feel is deep and real, As if it had been so.

For us to have each other Is like a dream come true! No, I didn't give you The gift of life, Life gave me the gift of you. --- Unknown

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

A beautiful gift.

So many of you know Eva has bilateral Microtia/Atresia.  We have been working with insurance to get her a hearing device from Oticon that essentially will give her normal hearing.  This device picks up sound and transfers it into vibrations while laying tight against the skull.  It is transferred through her skull and received by her inner ear. In normal hearing sound waves are captured by the outer ear and sent down the ear canal to the ear drum which in turn vibrates the small bones in the ear. Then it is sent on to be interpreted or "heard". That's the quick version :)  Insurance companies are trying to classify this bone conducting device as a hearing aide.  Hearing aides only amplify sound, they do not alter it. So basically we are trying to prove this to the insurance company and get these devices covered.  They are very expensive to buy. This honestly should not be an issue as hearing aides should be covered as well (but that is another story).Since Eva came home we have been going back and forth with insurance.  We are also without an ENT and Audiologist.  Which is also another story.  We are moving and kinda stuck in limbo until we get in with the new doctors.  So during this time we went looking and found someone who wanted to sell us a use bp100 from Cochlear.  Although this is not the device we want forever it does the same thing and would give her sound.  We had to fight to get a softband  (headband the BAHA ataches to to keep it next to her skull)for her as we cannot order direct from the company ourselves (the straw that broke the camels back with the audi), our audiologist wanted to mark the price up over three times the original cost.  We found another audiologist willing to order one, paid to has it shipped quickly and waited.  She received her baha in the mail first and it was in great condition,  we were so excite to see her face light up when we used a tester that came with it.  We waited on the band a few more days.  When we got it and she could wear it, it was amazing the change that took place.  She started to babble and talk and respond to her name right away.  She would jump at loud sounds and turn in their direction.  All amazing stuff!  We had a few precious days of sound and then her baha,  that didn't come with a tether (I didn't even know about them) disappeared. We narrowed it down to a trip to the airport to pick up our oldest daughter 2 hours away.  She had it in the airport but not when we stopped to eat after.  We started calling and calling and (praying) our niece even went to go look for it personally but it was no where to be found.  I was sick.  Not only about the several hundred dollars we had just lost, but now our precious girl had to struggle to hear again. I cannot explain the sadness you feel when something so precious is taken from you child.  You know the impact it will have on her speech and the delays it will cause. There was still no end insight to the fight with insurance.

We have since been working with her, she has been getting speech therapy and trying to talk.  She is progressing but very slowly.  She can say all our names but I am not sure an outsider would understand her.  We are not giving up, she will have her own hearing devices some how.  So yesterday a fellow adoptive momma (Jamie), with a beautiful little girl from China (Katie) who shares Eva's special need, posted about her loaned baha dying, I could relate.  She came home shortly after Eva and received her baha pretty quickly.  It was a loaner from another mother and had been used by many children to bridge the gap until they could get their own. It was worn out and now finished.  As you can imagine her mother was very upset,  I commented on her message to encourage her and let her know I understood.  We had a brief conversation and she was asked to private message someone else.  I figured this meant Katie would be getting another loaner.  I was so happy for her but so sad at the same time.  My heart ached because I wanted that for Eva,  I said a prayer to real my emotions in, chastised myself for being selfish because I knew Katie needed this as much if not more than Eva.  I locked up those emotions and was about to get off facebook when Jamie messaged me. She said she may have a device for Eva.  She said she received two offers, the first offer she refused, then the second offer came and she accepted.  She told me she asked the owner of the first device if she would send it to Eva.  I was confused, and asked her why she refused it.  What she told me ripped open the place I had just been sealing off, emotions to hard to deal with, so you push them away. Now they were overflowing into a puddle of tears.  This momma, who's baby needed this device so badly,  didn't really refuse the offer,  she asked for it to be given to Eva.  She felt Eva needed it more because Katie had been blessed with months of sound.  Let that sink in.  Can you see how beautiful that is? How loving and kind? Then add on top the kindness of two other woman willing to give up a backup to let to little girls hear again.  I can imagine as Jamie with an aching heart for her daughter, was giving away a device to mine, God was smiling.  Knowing He was providing for both of these girls.  Jamie got an email moments later offering Katie another device and she gladly accepted. 

I am in awe of God.  I know he does this stuff all the time, but when you get to be dead center, it is breathtaking.  He is so beautiful.  He loves us so much.  I lose sight of that so many times. This broken little girl inside me gets lost in the sea of lies the enemy is always whispering to me.  Telling me how God doesn't really care, that I am not worth enough to Him to have Him demonstrate His love for me.  I keep all of that hidden, tucked away inside.  Then God does something, many times
through one of His kids, that shows selflessness and kindness that could only come from Him.  I want to bottle up those moments and be able to open them when I get lost.  When the stress and shame of things I cannot fix or repay overwhelm me. When I feel like I am failing God because I cannot seem to figure out how to keep it all together. When I feel like a horrible parent because I cannot find the solutions, or provide what they need medically. When I get so frustrated and cannot understand why things seem to always be so hard.  When I am begging God for answers and He seems silent.  Those are the moments when I need the be able to open the bottle and pour our these feelings.  To let the videos capturing His beautiful love for me play before me.  Sigh.  So for today I am going to rest in His love, because today it is clear to me.

Thank you Jamie,  you gave u something more than a hearing device. I know you know how priceless that is. You also let God use you to give us light when things felt really dark.  Thank you to the ladies who so kindly gave our girls the gift of sound, you also know how precious this is. We will keep fighting our insurance to get our girls their own devices and make sure that these you have entrusted us with will be a blessing to another child who needs them. Thank you to everyone that prayed and those that helped in anyway.

Thank You Father for your love. Thank you for kindred hearts to share this journey with.  Thank you for these precious babies and the honor of watching them grow up.  Help us to live everyday in a way that honors and reflects your love to them and others.

Friday, June 6, 2014

Doodles Story

I have rolled this over in my head a million times as to how to start, how to capture this little ball of joy and energy into words.  So I will start at the beginning,  I wasn't by her side, so the details come from my distant perspective. 

This is the story of a precious baby girl hand crafted by God in her mothers womb,  a womb that didn't belong to me but there is no doubt she was shaped and designed to be a Ferguson (more on that later).   This is how her life began.  She was born way to early and her tiny body wasn't ready to survive in this world.

She was not alone,  She had family members who prayed for her and loved her and pulled her through.  The spoke to her and stood by her side and helped care for her.  Wonderful doctors and nurses fought to keep her alive. During this time through some sweet friends Lee and Kaykay (her great Uncle and Aunt) we heard about and prayed for this precious baby to survive and thrive.  She was a fighter and was (and is  still:) ) stubborn, she was going to live! We got to see glimpse of her though them.  I only saw her once briefly in person when she was around seven month old, she was tiny, closer to the size of a baby only a month old.  I had no idea that day what God knew.  Had I known can you imagine how differently that meeting may have been?  She waltz out of my life as quickly as she came in.  Months later this sweet girl had been through some rough times and her Aunt and Uncle took her in,  they knew God had a plan for her but I don't think they had any idea how it would play out.  In June of last year I got to meet her again, she was chubby and sassy and oh so adorable.  We were waiting (not so patiently) on our match with our daughter in China.  We had begun to wonder what God was doing :) When we heard this little girl needed a forever home we knew why our match hadn't come.  We felt almost immediately like she was meant to be ours but she had a family who were reeling with emotions and struggling with what would be best for her, trying to keep their own feelings at bay.  This little girl is loved beyond measure by so many.  During this time I began helping the family take care of her,  knowing that she might never be my daughter but trying to use every moment with her to pour all my love and prayer over her.  I tried not to get too attached,  I tried to love her as someone else's' child but my heart betrayed me :)) HAVE YOU SEEN THIS CHILD?  Not only is she beautiful but if that doesn't get you when she crawls up in your lap and opens her mouth you are a goner!  This is a picture of her the very first day I got to watch her.
We also during this time left the doors open with our China adoption, we had no idea if this sweetie would come to us or not, and without that assurance you don't close the doors to China :) We were also aware that there was a slim chance that we would end up with two daughters before this was over depending on how it all played out.  Now keep in mind we started our second adoption journey looking for one little girl, yet at the time we met doodle we had already opened our heart to our sweet Elijah and had changed the plan from one adoption to two.  So if the perfect storm occurred we would be adopting three children.  Yes I know you are asking your self if we are crazy right now.  The answer would be yes! Crazy blessed, and keenly aware of how many more children need homes.  Soooo (trying to keep this short) through prayer and love members of her birth family came on board.  God was weaving... so to shorten this story,  paperwork was file late last year to give temporary conservatorship to David and I and doodles great Uncle and Aunt.  We still had much work and paperwork to do.  Nothing was certain, and far from final.  As Gods crazy plan unfolded our sweet Eva (from China) was presented to us,  we had no doubt this was our daughter.  You can only imagine the roller coaster of emotion.  So we proceeded with a sure thing, praying for God to work all the details out.  It is amazing how our two adoptions in China were finalized and more permanent conservatorship (and termination of parental rights) aligned so perfectly that neither adoptions were affected.  So today... Three months after we held our sweet Eva for the first time... we walked into the courtroom and were granted final and forever adoption of this beautiful little girl, whom we have named Aubrey Kate Ferguson.  She wasn't born into the wrong family, God just expanded hers to make something beautiful.  She is silly and sassy and stubborn.  Her smile lights up her face and our hearts, and her giggle is infectious. She is so much like her cousin Alyssa its as if God modeled her after her.  She is strong willed like every one of my children.  She is creative and draws people to her just like her biggest sister. She is compassionate like her biggest brother. She can handle Ariana (lol) and is gentle enough to play by her baby sister Eva. She and Elijah will soon be teaming up to entertain us. She is God designed to fit just so into all our lives. She is her Daddies girl and her Momma's little love. She giggled her way into our hearts and we are more than blessed to call her our daughter. 
Aubrey Kate
I want to say thank you to those in her birth family that have chosen to love without condition, and to give her the gift of a family and crazy brothers and sister.  We know the grief and the pain you have walked through to come to that place.  We are grateful for your love for Aubrey and for your sacrifice.  None of us take it for granted,  we know the magnitude of the gift you gave her and the cost to you.  I am so excited to watch this little girl grow up and so happy that she has this huge family that crosses blood lines to love her. 
...And that is the best this writer could do to tell the huge story in just a few words.
Thank you God for this precious family you have woven, there is no denying your handy work... I pray I can live everyday honoring the gifts you have given us.
So moral of the story... go adopt... It is amazing! ( and yes hard too) (but mostly amazing) 

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Finding balance

We are slowly finding a new normal, days are calmer and the kids are settling into routines.  We are still swamped with doctor visits and therapists as we figure out exact plans for the two new little ones and meld them into already existing therapy and doctors for the other two littles. Elijah and Ariana are definatly best friends.  I love watching them and I am so happy they have each other.  We are struggling with him following her lead instead of what we say, but that will come with time.  Eva is growing (developmentally) in leaps and bounds. She will be running with doodle soon enough.  They have begun to interact with each other and when they do it is always a giggle fest. So cute.

You would think in all the chaos my heart would be closed to adopting.  It isn't, and I have come to the conclusion it never will be.  I ache for each and every one of the children who have no home.  I always think, we could take in one more.  I know that is unrealistic right now so my heart is searching for other ways to help them.  I have a million ideas flowing through my head. I have to do something or my heart will burst! I cannot bear the thought that they are out there waiting and waiting as I allow life to trickle by.  So here is a little something...

If I could say anything it would be this,  if you have ever for a moment considered adoption... Do it! If you have made the list of all the reasons why you can't I beg you to look into their eyes and see if that list matters anymore. I promise it won't.  Your life will never be at the perfect place to do it.  Something will always get in the way.  Please hear me... They cannot wait for you to be ready... They are waiting now.  Every single moment of every day without a dad and mom is to many.  They need you! If you are beyond the place on life where you would consider adopting please pray about a way to help, imagine your child or grandchild all alone in this world, wouldn't you want more than anything for someone to come to their rescue? To love them and hold them and protect them?  There are families ready to go get one of these but are struggling with the financial part, maybe you could help them?  Do a fund raiser for them or stand beside them in prayer and encouragement. At the very least pray for each child to find a home.  Just do something... We are Gods hands and feet, and no God doesn't "need" is to do this, but I can promise you, you will find no greater joy and fulfillment than stepping out and letting God use your hands and feet to bless the least of these.

:) I love you all...

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Happy Friendly Little Elijah Miles Ferguson

Elijah came to us, very unsure.  We won him over in the beginning with toys but as soon as his nanny left his world flipped upside down and he was going to fight it.  It took a couple hours but he warmed up and began to let us in.   Until we told him no the first time :) He would have major melt downs when he didn't get his way.  We stood our ground gently but firmly, letting him know that we would love him and take care of him, but that we were in charge.  Many parents of adopted kids shy away from this thinking they cant say no or discipline at all at first,  I feel just the opposite.  I feel that structure and strength help a child that has been on their own feel safe for the first time ever.  Some kids fight it, and you have to take different approaches for each child.  For Elijah he need it, he needed words and guidance for the first time ever, and it needed to makes sense.  He is very Uninterested in learning language.  Ariana came to us craving words and learned so fast.  Elijah has no time for learning he just wants to play.  When we talk to him he stares at us blankly and then nods his head like "ya.. that's great... can I go now?"  It is funny but very frustrating to not be able to communicate and to try and teach him things, we do a lot of sign mime sign to get the point across. Mostly he is confused.  he is very smart and sneaky and funny and happy and sweet and loving... He is kind to his siblings and loves his daddy very much, me he likes a lot lol.  We are working hard to bond with him, and it gets all jumbled up with teaching and correcting and day to day like. Adopting young child is amazing but it does take work to form a bond, it doesn't just happen naturally because they don't need you to do as much for them.  I love this sweet boy,  I am blessed beyond measure to be his momma.  He loves his big sister very much and they run around holding hands,  he even laughs when she dresses him up in girly clothes and high heals,  he ran around with a purple crown on his head for days.  Daddy says he needs some boy activities lol. He plays so well will each of the kids and wants to hug and kiss everyone,  which we are working on.  So when you see us please don't be offended when we stop him from running up and hugging you.  Yes it is sweet, but it is also not safe for him to give affection to total strangers. We have to teach him who it is ok to greet with a hug, and for now that must be restricted to family until he understands the difference.  Please help us by not picking him up or asking for a hug,  we are allowing him to hug people we know from church and friends but only after we do, we are teaching him to follow our lead.  So if you aren't comfortable hugging me and daddy please don't try and hug our new adopted ones :)

Here is a picture of Elijah when we met him. This is after his nanny left and he fought hard to get to here for a while, he was exhausted and clumsy ninja saved the day.

After a few days with us...

My sweet happy boy :)

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

The real Eva Meili Ferguson

On March 6, 2014 we received a tiny gorgeous baby girl.  She was handed to us crying and immediately went into what we call her koala hold.  She let me console her and even calmed down but refused to look at anyone on interact in anyway.  For the next few days she cried if we moved and wailed if we put her down.  She could only take about 3-4 ounces of formula at a time.  She clearly had never had anything in her mouth but a bottle.  She would stare ate food and watch us put it in our mouth but gagged and threw up when I put it in her mouth. Everything scared her, especially the water in the shower or bath.  She would not sit in a stroller of high chair.  Slowly over the next few days in China she let us put her down with toys (but only in the room) and she didn't know how to play with them and none of them when in or close to her mouth.  She would bang them together and rock side to side. She didn't explore toys or us or anything else. She couldn't walk and didn't really crawl, more of scooting on her tummy. She wouldn't make eye contact with us at all and would not interact.  I had prepared for this,  but even I began to wonder if she was ok, or if something else was wrong, I was afraid she couldn't interact.  This was the first (and only in China) smile we got and I had to work very hard for it.
 She has continued to slowly come out of her shell.  She is eating many different kinds of first foods (baby food).  She also eats rice cereal and bananas twice a day.  She is also taking 6-8 ounces of formula in between.  She is smiling at me all the time, and reaching for me.  She almost giggled at daddy and she is interacting with us now.  She plays with and chews on toys.  She even danced with her siblings when they played wii dance.  She comes out of her shell more and more everyday and it is amazing and beautiful to watch.  She is healthy and happy and trusting us more and more. She went from crying when put down to now grabbing toys to play with. She will now walk holding our fingers without crying, and I expect to see her crawling soon.  Her legs are cold all the time so we have been exercising them, which makes her smile like crazy.  I cannot wait to see what she does next and finally her her giggle and babble.  Oh and btw Idk if I missed posting this on the blog but Eva can definitely hear us, she responds to all kinds of sounds.  She is a silly fun amazing baby girl and I am so blessed to be her Mommy.

Eva after being home a week

Next blog to follow soon : Happy Friendly Little Elijah Miles Ferguson

Thursday, March 20, 2014


Well we have been home for 5 day and I am just coming up for air.  We had a loooong exhausting trip home.  Eva was fussy on the entire flight, never really slept long. She never screamed but she fussed and fussed and tossed around. Elijah slept a long time and then woke up grumpy.  We had toys and activities for him but we didn't get to use them like we did with Ariana.  He is a great kid, but so different from Ariana in many ways.  He is finally watching us enough to learn some signs.  However being a boy he would much rather play than learn words.  Eva is still very clingy but will play by herself some.  She hates getting strapped in the car seat, but she pretty much hates being put down for any reason :).  Our last couple days in China were good, we had a relaxed time at Shamien island,  I so miss staying there this adoption trip, but no one really stays there anymore :( it was just so nice to be on a secluded little island and be able to go out and wander around with your child.  Outside the Garden was very busy city streets with lots of traffic, and even though many adoptive families stayed there we only got to meet a few and didn't really get to know them :( I missed everyone staying close and all playing outside or in the hotel play room.  Anyway the hotel was amazingly beautiful, out room was so nice and roomy... And breakfast was yummy.  Outside was a gorgeous garden with a walking path and waterfall.  So I am not complaining, just missing what was.

So here is a brief blurb about adopting two at once.  Having done this both ways I have to say adopting one was much more relaxed, comfortable and fun.  I wouldn't have wanted to make either of my children wait another day, so I have no regrets.  However our bonding time with Ariana was much better and easier because we only had her.  She got more of us, and I guess I have some mom guilt because I couldn't give either of the newest ones my complete attention.  Elijah got is for two days alone, but they were busy days.  Eva was more needy and I felt like I didn't get to bond as fast with Elijah because I was taking care of her.  Again I am absolulty not complaining, but I have promised to be honest,  adopting two at one time is harder and more stressful.  Maybe had they both been older this would not have been the case. :)

Now back to the good stuff.  They are both gorgeous sweet kids and I love thems so.  I cried like a baby walking through the doors at the airport and seeing my other kids and all my family waiting for us. Elijah was a bit overwhelmed but it didn't take long for him to warm up. Eva let her big brother hold her first and didn't seem to mind others holding her.  I couldn't wait to hug my babies, I missed them so... I still miss my firstborn, there was a huge hole where she belonged at the airport and here at home since.  I hope to see her soon.  Elijah and Ariana are best buddies already.  I expected this, but it is so sweet too see.  She is (mostly) very kind to him.  She is showing him the ropes and they run off holding hands all the time.  We have seen a few more Eva smiles since we got home, and she is now happily taking cereal and also enjoyed some peas.  We have decided to take it slow and introduce foods carefully much like a younger baby.  We are not going to rush her out of this baby stage she is in, it is good for bonding.  It is bittersweet, sad that she is so delayed, but sweet that we will see her first steps and be a part of many other baby firsts with her.

I love having them here and the truth is this is so hard, physically and emotionally.  We are still getting use to Texas time again and so still very tired but much better than a few days ago.  I am so thankful for my family,  they took care of so much while we were gone and are willing to do whatever we need now that we are home.  I am truly blessed.  In keeping with my whole "truth on this blog thing". I have not done so well this last week,  sheer exhaustion and stress has left me with little patience and I have felt like a horrible mommy.  Please pray for me that I find my feet and get organized, and that I have the time to spend with my Daddy to keep my spirit calm so I can be a kind loving momma.

***Please keep our Children's pastor in your prayers, her mother went to heaven this week,  my heart aches for her and her family,  please pray God comfort them and give them strength and hope amidst grief.  ***

I will update more later, I know this one was long over due.

Love to all

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Sorry for not blogging more

I am sorry I haven't gotten more blogging in.  I knew we would be busy but it is funny how much more time it takes when there are two little ones and one is a baby that cries every time we remove her from the koala hold. Which we don't mind but it makes it hard to get things done.  She has not been feeling well, running a fever and very fussy.  She is still playing with her toys but we cannot get her to interact with is much yet.  She seems to live inside a little shell and she cannot come out for long yet but we are trusting that she will. :). Elijah is having less melt downs, learning to listen, he is very sweet and very friendly.... Ok he is a flirt lol blowing kisses at all the pretty young girls and touching everything and everyone.  He is silly and rambunctious and all boy.  Then he will run up and wrap those sweet arms around me... I love him sooooo, I love her sooo and I am extremely excited to get them home to meet their siblings and cousins and aunts and grandparents :) and all the wonderful people that made it possible for them to come home.

This trip has been very fast in many ways, I feel like we haven't had time to slow down and enjoy much.  We went to the safari park yesterday but Eva's fever spiked and it was just too cold and wet, so after a fun train ride the driver took the princess and I back to the room.  We hung out while dad and Elijah enjoyed the animals :) today we were suppose to site see but we felt it best to keep the little one in for the day. Tomorrow is consulate appointment :))) and then we have one last run to trust mart/ Walmart.  Thursday we spend the day packing and preparing to come home!! So ready to hug my family!!!! I miss beef, real beef and our church and being able to chat with anyone I see in target or at the gas station.  I am so ready to be able to strap my kids in the car and go to Walmart and get anything I am wanting :) I am ready to cook familiar foods and pic up the phone and call ppl instead of texting everything.  I am not complaining I love China and this time has been easier, we know the foods better and understand how things work. I am also painfully aware that we will be leaving the place our babies have always known and taking them to a world that will be strange and unfamiliar.  It is bitter sweet.  I am thankful for this journey and all we have learned, I am blessed to have such amazing friends and family.  I am honored that God allowed me to walk this road , to parent these amazing kids.  Thank you all for your love and prayers and support.

Pray our sweet girl feels better by our flight home and that the rest of us stay healthy :)

Oh and we arrive Friday at 4:30 if you want to be a part of the airport welcome home celebration... Just ask my mom or sister for more details... Or inbox me if you aren't Facebook friends with them.


Friday, March 7, 2014

Sweet babies and lots of change.

So in the most uneventful manner possible Eva officially became a Ferguson. She is getting more comfortable and confident with us.  If you have seen my Facebook you know she has been playing a little on the floor and she even pulled herself up to a standing position. She has also crawled a little to follow us when she gets mad that we put her down.  She likes the stroller but only when it is moving, if it stops she screams. :) Elijah seems to have a good day then a rough day. Yesterday was pretty good, today was bad, he threw several fits.  He is testing everything and hates to be told no. So today in a store he threw himself in the floor about 3 times. He is learning slowly that that's doesn't help him... But he has to try.  Having no way to communicate is frustrating but mostly he just wants what he wants and to do what he wants and he is GOING to do it. Lol then after a fit is over he is super sweet and loving... Today we had our medical appointments and they both did pretty well (other than a few Elijah fits) he got really mad at the people who drew his blood for the tb test and he told me all about it, even pointed them out :) they are both amazing kids and considering the changes in their lives they are doing very well.  I adore them,  I cannot wait until all my babies are together for the first time... Hmm now how to steal Ashlyn away from school long enough to make that happen :D

We still have a busy week ahead before we can come home.  Keep praying for us, we feel very blessed.

Love to you all!

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Gotcha Day Eva Meili

So yesterday we met our gorgeous little princess.  We were the only ones at civil affairs because we got her on a Wednesday.  That is unusual but due to adopting two they have worked things to fit or time here.  We went in and signed paperwork and waited Elijah was tired and in a foul mood.  He likes to throw fits went he doesn't get his way, which is often.  This has been hard for him but he was doing well the day before.  So we were waiting in this huge room alone and he was running wild :) they then motioned for is to come here and I heard her sweet sounds.  I rounded te corner and there she was tiny and beautiful and bringing to cry.  She wasn't happy about anything happening but she clung to me immediately like a koala bear. She cried for a while and I just cuddled her, didn't even get a good look at her face until daddy took her for me to sign papers.  She cried for a while and Elijah continued to run wild.  It was pretty uneventful, did paperwork, paid money, asked a few questions, took a picture with her nanny and the orphanage director  and we were done.  We were warned she probably hadn't been held much and would cry when put down... She does, and it makes getting ready difficult but we don't mind at all :) I have been waiting to hold them a loooooong time. Her nanny was sweet and cried and we thanked her for taking such good care of our baby.  But Eva didn't cry for her this time, I guess my cuddles were good enough for now.

We left there and went by trust mart and by this time Elijah was in full one rotten mode :) he got mad when David went in without him.  Threw a major fit, kicking screaming in the floor fit.  He doesn't like to be told what to do and will physically fight past you if you try to stop him, but it is getting better everyday.  He didn't seem to like Eva at first, he just kinda glared at her like she ruined his new world.  But today he was sweet and he would walk up and hug her and pay her.  She is still very quiet today (unless we put her down) she got very nervous when we went out this morning and was crying and clinging to is hard.  But as the day went on she got more comfortable.  Please be praying for our journey home, I don't want to have two screaming kids on the plane for 13 hours.  Pray they can rest and don't get sick... And that Elijah doesn't have meltdowns for having to stay in his seat.

These two babies have a lot to learn, they are already beginning to see what the love of parents can do, and I cannot wait for you all to meet them and love them :D

Love... Me

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Day two with our little prince.

This little guy is amazing.he has changed so much in just two days, as he has relaxed and gotten use to us. He is sweet and silly and funny and loud, and oh so stubborn.  But of course he would have to be he is a member of the Goforth/Ferguson clan lol :) he is becoming more affectionate and less resistant, curiously watching or signs and looking at out faces.  The first day he didn't care about words or our faces he just wanted us to do what he wanted... He is a mess and I love him so.  We were super busy with paperwork and traveling to Guangzhou, which is way this blog is late.

The most important news of the day is Elijah is now officially a Ferguson!!!!!!!! I am so proud to call this little guy my son. :))))) there were only two famikies and the process seemed uneventful.  However it was life changing and perfect and amazing and I am blessed beyond measure!

We are at the Garden Hotel and let me just say, this place is gorgeous, very very nice.  We got settled in we are trying to get our bearings today.  We will leave here at 2 to meet our newest princess.  We have been prepared for the worst but are hoping and praying form the best.  She is from a poorer orphanage and they don't have enough hands to meet the kids needs, we believe they try, there are just so many babies.  So rather than judge them we want to help... So my friends are you ready for your China adventure?  Because these babies are ready for you to take it!!!

I am blessed beyond measure with the most amazing kids and I cannot wait to meet or baby girl in a few hours :) I will post pictures to Facebook I cannot get them to load to the blog.

Gotcha day update to come later :)))))

Eva Meili Ferguson we are here baby girl...

Keep praying for these two babies and our health and safety.  We have seen Gods hand through this whole prices and we are so thankful for every prayer you have all prayed!

Monday, March 3, 2014

Crazy wonderful awful beautiful sweet amazing day!

Gotcha day was yesterday and I had no time to write. Elijah didn't arrive until an hour after we did. A loooong grueling hour :) then suddenly there he was, beautiful and perfect and scared.  They pushed him to us even though he protested.   We one him over with a bag full of fun starting with a light up helicopter from Aunt Lisa!  He interacted with us fine and even let me touch him some, but he kept loping to see if the lady from his orphanage was still there. She stayed a while while we did paperwork and took the pictures, she then snuck in a kiss on the cheek during a final picture and snuck out.  When he realized she was gone he went into full on melt down.  It was heart breaking to watch,  we could only hold him and try and comfort him.  He did all he could to tell for her and look for her.  Then we went between moments of calm and moments of sorrow.  We prayed and fought off the tears and let him grieve.  I was so hard.  But for those in the adoption community you know it is also good for a child raised in an orphanage to have a strong connect to someone there.  It brought some comfort to know he could and would attach to us.

He did finally calm down and once calm we tried to interact in small gentle ways, we finally did by using an app call Clumsy Ninja.  Thank you to whoever created it! He began to giggle and smile and interact with us.  When it was time to leave he did well looked for his yaya on the way out and in the van  but didn't cry anymore.  We had a good day exploring all the toys and eating lunch  and even ventures out a while.  This little man is smart and funny and silly and gorgeous.  He even has his own  version of communication.  He is mimicking signs already, but doesn't really want to learn any specific words yet. We will just keep signing and wait for the magic to unfold :) I did get a big squishy kiss yesterday, I kisses his cheek and he turned and planted it on me... made my day!

So we are playing and loving and just getting to know this gift from god :)

Pictures to come soon!

Sunday, March 2, 2014


I love this country and it's people.  Maybe because three of my children were born here.  Maybe because they work hard and respect the elderly.  Maybe because it is rich in culture and history or maybe because when I look into their eyes I see an incredibly beautiful people that God created.  Their skin and hair and eyes so beautifully shaped by the hands of out father. Somehow here I remember that each of us are priceless and perfect to God.  Yes they have struggles and imperfections just like our beautiful nation.  Here I also see how much I love being an American, how much I cherish my home and it's people.  I feel so full of wonder and beauty.

Today we went to silk street and bought a few things for the kids, it was fun to watch David barter with the shop owners to get even cheaper prices on items that weren't expensive to begin with. Our trip to Hangzhou will be so short this time.  We do not get to go to Elijah's orphanage :( we simply don't have the time.  We would normally have been in Hangzhou almost a week but since sweet Eva is waiting we have to get to her. :) sad about not getting to see where he lived but not sad to hold her sooner.

In just about 4 and 1/2 hours we will look into the eyes of a gorgeous little man that we have loved for over a year but never touched. A little guy that God knew from the moment he was created he would be Elijah Miles Ferguson. I cannot wait to see him and touch him and find out who he is.  I cannot wait to love him up close.  Thank you Father for each of my children. I cannot imagine my life without one of them.

It is gotcha day at 5am and I cannot sleep :) dreaming of him... I am excited and giddy.  I will post soon with his gorgeous face...

Love you all

Sleepless in China :)

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Contact finally :)

We have been havin trouble getting through but it looks like we have success! We have been in China  a day and a half. Flew into Shanghai and spent one night. We took a united flight because it was the only one that worked with out schedule an budget. It wasn't bad at all, no delays or issues. Nothing fancy or frills but we got here. Hit some turbulence that was kinda rough and ended up with coke all over us :) but we arrived safely and slept a lot on the plane.  We then took a van to Hangzhou, we are now in the same city as our little man!!! We are messed up with our time and keep waking in the middle of the night. It is 3am and I am blogging instead of sleeping :). We are going out today to do a little shopping to get a few things we need for Elijah. He will be in our arms tomorrow!!!! TOMORROW!!!!! Ahhhh so excited. We don't know if we get to visit the orphanage, we will meet our guide for the first time later today and find out. I will blog again later.

Love to you all!
And Thank you God for bringing us here, and for safe travels!
Keep praying us through this journey.

Going to try and sleep more now :) ... me

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Funded but not funded :)

We have been blessed with a way to pay the remaining money owed while in China.  I am humbled and feeling oh so many emotions.  Our work is not done though. This money has to be repaid and we want to continue to fundraiser while we are in China and get this money back.  It was a sacrifice and I need your help to make sure it is returned as quickly as possible.

I don't know why God chose this way to fund our adoption but I am so glad we have every dollar we need. I am forever grateful to each and every one of you that has supported us and arried us through on your prayers.  Thank you for giving of your time, your energy, your hearts and your finances to bring our children home.   Please follow along and watch as this miracle unfolds.  Share in the joy that each of you had a part in, and look at the new family photos and know you helped create them.  God is the reason but each of us got to be a part of this story. You are all a part of outright children's legacy, and because you have, they will know the love of a family but more importantly they will know the love of their Heavenly Father.

Thank you...

David and Kathy Ferguson

Not there yet.

We are not there yet.  We still need $7093 and we have to have it before the banks close today.  It cannot come via PayPal because due to there rules they cannot release the funds immediately. So there is no time since we have to have to money before we leave the US.

Pray... I am exhausted this morning and the enemy is trying to destroy my faith and hope.

But I say it again
Though I cannot see how I choose to trust Him, I choose to ignore the "feelings" screaming at me.  God I choose you...

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Donations recieved

Thanks to some precious generous people (and subtracting a post placement fee we will have time to get in the weeks when we get home) we now need 9393 dollars! I believe God is going to do this.  I refuse to think anything else,  He began this journey and He is faithful.  This isn't about me, it is all about Him.  His story is being written and I am just blessed to be one of many people in it. 

Thank you God for your faithfulness....

I will keep updating through the day as the numbers change!

Love you all

Monday, February 24, 2014

Here is where we stand.

We are 3 days away from leaving to go to get our babies.  We are locked in and cannot change or postpone dates.  We still need roughly 11 thousand dollars. We must will be traveling early Thursday and will have to have the total amount during business hours on Wednesday.  Humans eyes see time and lack.  But I have decided, rather stubbornly chosen to trust my Father,  the one who set us on this journey, the one who loves each and every orphan more than we can imagine.  The one who loves us more than we know.  I refused to give into the fear screaming in my face, I choose instead to rest in my Fathers arms and look into His eyes and let Him carry the load, because for me it would be more than I can bear, but for Him, (insert huge grin) it is easy. 

God has raised almost 40 thousand dollars already and He will complete this. 


Pray as if you were standing in our shoes

If you know someone who can help, please ask them

If you feel God asking you to help, please please yield to Him.

Thank you for every thing each of you have done,  you have prayed with us and for us.  You have supported us with word and finances, you have carried us when we couldn't walk our self... You have truly been Gods hands and feet.  He is bringing them home and each of you have shared in that.  We are truly blessed!

Thank you Father that you will complete what you have started.

Philippians 1:6 Being confident of this, He who has begun a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

For my babies waiting  Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Love, Me

Wednesday, February 19, 2014


Freaking out here!!!! I knew this would be fast but I am now in freaking out mode!  I will hold my son in 12 days... and my daughter in 15.  Our world is about to change!!!!!!!!


I have soooo many things to get done and so many thing now that will be getting booted from the "to do" list that will not be getting done.  My mind is racing through lists at lighting speed, and details are changing every few minutes.  But I am soooooo excited and soooooooooooooo terrified! Not about getting them, but about getting things done and then coming home and adjusting to the new normal.  :)

*****Urgent prayers needed for the remaining funds to come in.  We have a benefit concert Sunday night in Tyler thrown for us by members of one of the local cowboy church's.  We are praying for being fully funded before the beginning of the week. *****

Also pray for our health and travels, for our kids here in the states to be healthy and safe, and for the little ones to not be scared or confused (and for mommies heart to be at peace having to leave them).  Pray for Elijah and Eva's transition and for safe peaceful travels in country.  Also for all our paperwork in China to go smoothly. 

I am so blessed to have each of you in our lives...
oh and If you want to be a part of the airport welcoming party let us know. :)

Here we come babies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, February 14, 2014


So finally we have Eva's TA paper copy and we have now requested consulate appointments!!!! Beyond excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We will be booking flights either today or Monday... it wont be long babies!!! Daddy and Momma are coming!

Oh and take a look at our status thermometer! It has changed drastically over the last few weeks, due to some AMAZING God loving, orphan serving people... more to come on that later! We have more to raise but I know God is in control and He will meet this need!!!!

Tuesday, February 11, 2014


TA in the system today!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I am too excited to write more , so for now this means we have permission to go get Eva (already have Elijahs TA), so as soon as we have paper copy in hand, we can get our consulate appointment and book our flights!!!! Soon my babies soon!!!!!!

Thank you God!!!!

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Precious life...

I had to add a separate special blog,  somehow in the chaos of life I didn't blog about this.  I have a precious beautiful new great nephew.  My sisters first grand baby. He is two months old now and such a blessing and I couldn't be a prouder aunt.  There is something so amazing and surreal about holding the child of your first born nephew.  I love hearing my sister talk about him and watching them as they pour out love on this little guy. Chris was the first baby and he was gorgeous and silly and spoiled.  I adored him and would do almost anything to make him laugh.  I got to watch Jaidyn for a little while this last week and bonding with him was priceless.  It was so fun to watch his little changing expressions one minute looking like his daddy and the next his mommy.   Chris and Courtney I hope you guys know how precious that little man is to me, and how thankful I am to have all three of you in my life. 

As for the rest of my nieces and nephews... I adore you... every single one of you and our family would not be the same without you.  I love you all so much and I am so proud of the men and woman of God  you are....  I am blessed to be your aunt.

****Warning*** Sappy emotional post ahead

So I have been a mess of emotion the last few weeks.  I have gone from the pure joy of getting Eva's i800 approval and PDF and GUZ# so quickly.  To frustration that we still have no date for our article five pick up.  For those who don't understand the foreign tongue of adoption speak, let me interpret. 

i800 is Eva's approval to come to the United States

GUZ# is the new number NVC (National Visa Center) assigns to our case. this number is needed to file for Eva's visa.

PDF is just that, a PFD file of a letter with all her numbers and approval information that is sent to the US consulate in China, so they can process her.... Art 5

Article 5 is the from needed to be sent to the CCCWA (China) so that they can issue our TA or travel approval :)

Head spinning yet?  So we are waiting for that Article 5 paperwork to be processed and be given a pick up day.  The problem is Chinese New Year is the last part of January- first part of February.  So as you can guess that will be a bit of a delay.  We have been told that TA can be rushed since our sons TA was issued in December and it expires the first part of March. So we will see, travel is looking really good for the last week in February!!!! We have to request a CA (consulate appointment) as soon as TA is issued.   The CA is at the US consulate in Guangzhou and must be set before our schedule can be made and our gotcha days settled on.  But what I know is barring any major catastrophe we will have our children in our arms either the last week in February or the first week in March!  I am so excited!!!!!!...

Now for the emotional part....

I have been trying to cling to faith, and I am doing pretty well, but there is this continual nagging feeling in my gut that I keep ignoring,  I refuse to acknowledge the questions the enemy is whispering in my ear.  Fear is constantly trying to creep into my heart, and I am exhausted from fighting it off.  Today I have finally come to a place where I am looking into my Fathers eyes again, and saying  those familiar words.  "Ok you asked us to do this, and we obeyed, now I am laying it back at your feet, because only you can meet this massive financial need."  When I do that,  I feel the wrinkles of my forehead relax and calm floods me.  I want to stay there, but I haven't quite figured out how to stay there and get on with my day :) So I keep going and squeezing my eyes closed against the things I see around me that need to be done,  and trying to sing louder than the voices whispering those scary words. "God I trust you... God I trust you...." these are the words, no, the weapon I yield against them all.... "I trust you even though I cannot see the answer,  I trust you when fear tries to bury me,  I trust you... I CHOOSE to keep trusting you" 

In the midst of all of this,  I get these little blessings,  friends and family that care so much that they get together and send us reminders that we are not alone.  Thank you to all my family and friends,  you will never know what a blessing you have been to us,  every cent, every prayer, every hug, every word of encouragement, (every time you have listened patiently to my mad ramblings) has not gone unnoticed.  It matters to us, and to God.  I cannot thank you properly, but I pray God bless each of you.  I love you all so much, and I love to see how God has changed the fabric of my family,  each of us so different because of adoption, not because of me, but because God loved a raven haired little girl so much He rallied a family and people in several states to fight their way too her.  I love to hear them talk about her, and how she has changed the world around her.  How I have friends and loved ones that will hold children who's skin is a different color than theirs, that they didn't give birth to and call them sons and daughters, because adoption changes us.  I love that the journey didn't end with Ariana,  and it wont end with Elijah and Eva (and our precious doodle bug), it will grow and move and change,  I cannot wait to hold my nephews and nieces born into other families but grafted by the hand of God into ours.  I dream of multicolored family gatherings and celebrations of the lives given to us by birth and by adoption.  I guess what I am saying is,  every bit of the struggle,  everyday spent fighting off emotion and fear, every penny raised, every accusing question and judgment laid by those who cannot understand why we do this, every single thing and more is worth it... because these babies are worth it.  Each of them crafted lovingly by the hand of God,  imperfect in mans eyes but extraordinary to God.  Thank you Father for these gifts, thank you for allowing me to be a mother to all 6 of these precious lives.  I pray I don't screw it up to badly :) Thank you for placing people with beautiful hearts in our life, both new and old.

Pray for our babies,  the ones here that we have to leave for two weeks and the two in China that have to leave all they have ever known.  Pray for peace, and comfort, and for wisdom for us.  :) Keep praying that we can raise the finances in time.  Pray for health, safety, bonding and the growth of our family (and for rest for Dad and Mom).

God bless you all...

Wednesday, January 8, 2014


i800 Approval today for Eva!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now we wait a couple day and ask for our GUZ # and then PDF from NVC.  That process usually takes about a week, then Article 5 drop off, wait two weeks for pickup, then all we do is wait for travel approval.  Once that is granted US consulate appointments are requested and travel is booked... So about 5 weeks before travel approval is issued and then we buy tickets and get on a plane.  We hope to travel in February but, predictions are March :( Elijah turns 5 in April and I guess I don't wanna miss out on getting to be His mommy while he is still 4.  :( Please pray for quick processing and for all the rest of the funds we need to be provided.  This journey has been much harder than we expected, but God is faithful.  Thank you to everyone who has donated and prayed and cried with us, and rejoiced with the victories... the beginning of a life with these precious ones is in sight and we cannot wait!