Love is

I didn't give you the gift of life, But in my heart I know. The love I feel is deep and real, As if it had been so.

For us to have each other Is like a dream come true! No, I didn't give you The gift of life, Life gave me the gift of you. --- Unknown

Monday, November 11, 2013

Beautiful disappointment.

As we prepared for our benefit concert last night,  we were blessed to meet some of the most Godly kindhearted people.  For those who don't know, we were contacted by a group from the cowboy church in Tyler that had seen our news story on KLTV.  They wanted to help us raise funds by doing a benefit concert.  We set a date, reserved the church, printed flyers and they began to advertise.The list of artist, some well known and some we hadn't heard of grew.  I had no idea what to expect, but I was thankful for there generosity.  David went down to the church at two, Howard (Dean) was there and they helped set up, all the artist were there, looking wonderful, and very prepared.  They did their sound checks and went over order.  The night was set, they were prepared and they prayed. I was impressed.  I was excited.  I was nervous.  We have met disappointment before, and I was concerned that these new friends who had given freely of their time and their hearts would have to witness that kind of disappointment.  My Sister and her hubby, and my Mom and Aunt Helen were with us, ready to help do whatever was needed. Barbara (Arent) was also there, she had been helping set up and she was staying. All that was left to do was wait.

Doors opened at 5... no one was waiting.
I tried not to check the time. I tried to cling to hope
But time came and went
5:15 no one
5:30  still no one
At this point I am feeling physically ill
5:45 not one single car, not one foot on the stairs, nothing but a huge empty sanctuary.

I am going to be completely honest, even though the enemy is whispering in my ear, that people will just pity us, and that it will only make things worse., and even though I am embarrassed. When you plan things like this you do your best not to think, not to let yourself hope for any set number, every time those thoughts come, you close your eyes and cling to God, you tell Him you trust Him no matter the outcome. You remind Him of the conversation you had with Him about Him having to be the one to do this, because we cannot. But when 5;45 rolls around and no one is there... not the friend you new from high school, not the people who have known you since you were a child, not the friends and family you sit next too in church every Sunday and Wednesday.  Most of them don't even bother to make excuses anymore, they just ignore the entire thing as if it doesn't apply to them.  I get it, this is our choice, it is something we took on, and it is not your "responsibility"... or maybe that isn't true... but that is between you and God.

So by 5;50 I was alone in a long hallway fighting back the tears, reeling with emotion, on the verge of losing it.  I was ashamed and sad and embarrassed to face these artist that had given so much for us. I knew I needed to pray, I knew I needed the comfort only my Father could give.  So I said the only words I could, "God I need you,  I cannot do this on my own, I need your peace and strength." Tears were shed, but peace began to fill my heart, and the sick feeling left me. My hubby came and hugged me and left me with the girls to go talk to everyone.  I made my way back to where my family was sitting in the foyer, and David came and found us.  The words he spoke shocked me, "they want to do this, they are ready to start". What? Why?  My first thought was... no way... this is going to be miserable, sitting there through a whole concert thinking about it.  Then I realized, these wonderful people are here and they want to do this and I was going to give them my full attention with an open heart.  I am forever grateful I did.

The one thing you long for when adopting is support,  the arms of others around you who believe in you and what God has called you to do. The one this you fear is peoples doubt and negativity that eats away at your faith.  These strangers, became family last night.  They didn't show us pity, or feel sorry for us,  they didn't speak bitter words or question if God was with us.  They wrapped their arms and their hearts around us.  They sang as if the building was full.  They spoke words of encouragement and faith.  They were Gods hands and feet and voices.  Their songs spoke peace to us, and they truly believe God is going to bring our babies home.  I honestly feel sorry for everyone that missed it.  I wish I could bottle up the beauty and share it with every adoptive family that has ever felt alone.  We were set up by a God who knew more about what our heart needed than what dollar signs were hanging over our heads.  These artist began to tell us, they believed God prepared this night just for us.  They weren't upset that they gave up time with their families, time they could have spent doing other important things.  They were happy and cheerful and honestly glad to be there.  I will never be able to put into words what that meant, or what it felt like.  I cannot express the love I felt from them, and most of all from my Father.  That could have been the end of the story, but it isn't.  They decided to call last night a private dress rehearsal, and they are going to do this concert again, at a different location.  Sigh... beautiful disappointment... beauty God is crafting with the ashes of what I had dreamed, into something far more beautiful than I could have ever imagined.  I am so thankful... so grateful.

I don't want to forget to mention, Lisa Wyatt also joined us right after we got started, she got to witness Gods masterpiece poured out.

Details will follow about a knew date...


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