Love is

I didn't give you the gift of life, But in my heart I know. The love I feel is deep and real, As if it had been so.

For us to have each other Is like a dream come true! No, I didn't give you The gift of life, Life gave me the gift of you. --- Unknown

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

One Less

I have wrestled the last couple days, because I am always very honest and open about things.  I think that families reading these blogs and considering adoption need to see the real story not some sugar coated version.  However I am going to be very careful because there are some very generous people in my life and I don't want to minimize how wonderful that is. That said... here is the story...

The day started out well, we had some details to finish but God had helped us through it all so far, we were nervous and excited about what was to come, and the lives that could be changed.  As time progressed we got set up and ready, we had water and cookies in the lobby for sale during intermission, and one of our fund raisers, a quilt we are making and allowing people to purchase the right to sign for our newest child.  I had a table for Madison (our agency) for those who wanted more information about them, and just adoption in general.  I never remember to have someone take pictures, but we did video the concert, and speakers.

When it was time to start we had a handful of people there, we decided to delay for about 15 minutes hoping people where just late.  We had a few more people come in, but didn't want to keep them waiting any more.  With all the helpers and family and artists, I think we had about 60 people.  Now here is where honesty comes in.  I was very disappointed, and sad,  I stood in the sound booth praying that God help me to refocus to not see things with my eyes but through His.  I would love to say that instantly I felt peace and moved on happily.  It didn't play out that way,  I was hurt and disappointed and was hearing the voice of the enemy, his steady whisper in my ear telling me that I wasn't good enough,  that people didn't care enough about us, that we weren't popular or likable enough to draw out a crowd.  We did the leg work, passed out fliers posted them all over town, had it announce on our local radio station and had a facebook page with hundreds of people invited (which I posted over and over :) ).  Still only 60 or so, including all of us came out (and only a handful from my own church). So I did what I knew I needed to do,  I paced in that booth and prayed and fought through the fog that was trying to settle in around me,  trying to keep me from sharing our story with strength and confidence,  Trying to steal the beauty of the gifts that were given of peoples time, effort, prayers, heart and money. Peace did come, and clarity filled my heart.  This was Gods night, His message, I was just a part of the message ringing out.  I saw the beauty around me and the love,  I felt surrounded and blanketed in it.  The night did not follow my ideal, it wasn't my way,  but it was Gods.  I trust that the message rang deep into the hearts of everyone there, and seeds were planted.  I trust that those children's faces that looked back from the big screens during every song are burned into our minds.  I trust that the people that were there were moved and changed and they will be moved to bring change :) My niece put on a powerful performance for these orphans so close to her heart. The music was beautiful, and Brandy Flanagan and her family shared their beautiful story.  We shared some of our story and our hearts, and I was at complete peace.  The night was great, and I feel sad for those who missed out.  As it came to a close I felt completely fulfilled, knowing I am walking smack dab in the middle of Gods perfect will for me.  These babies are my heart, and I am so blessed God allows me to walk beside Him as He finds them homes.

I want to say thank you, to every artist, every person who helped, or prayed, to everyone who gave up there time and came and sat with us for a little while.  Thank you to those who live far away and could not come, but I felt your love and support.  Thank you for every single dollar given to help bring our baby home.   I don't want to embarrass anyone by naming names, but to those who sent money in through the church before the event... thank you.   I cannot express to you what all of these things mean to us.  We raised just over a thousand dollars at this event, and if you look at the number of people there that were not workers, that is AMAZING!  Most importantly,  Thank you Father, for the beauty you wove into that night, and our lives.  For these amazing generous people you have placed in our life.

Oh and for those of you who don't know,  our day was made more perfect because we carried the joy in our hearts of the arrival of Lorvens into the United States.  He came home with the Huber family from Pa, the night before,  he is now One Less... 

So we will keep on moving forward, praying for a miracle, but working all the way doing our part. Keep praying for our match, and our precious kids, where ever they are.

Love, Kathy

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