Love is

I didn't give you the gift of life, But in my heart I know. The love I feel is deep and real, As if it had been so.

For us to have each other Is like a dream come true! No, I didn't give you The gift of life, Life gave me the gift of you. --- Unknown

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

****Warning*** Sappy emotional post ahead

So I have been a mess of emotion the last few weeks.  I have gone from the pure joy of getting Eva's i800 approval and PDF and GUZ# so quickly.  To frustration that we still have no date for our article five pick up.  For those who don't understand the foreign tongue of adoption speak, let me interpret. 

i800 is Eva's approval to come to the United States

GUZ# is the new number NVC (National Visa Center) assigns to our case. this number is needed to file for Eva's visa.

PDF is just that, a PFD file of a letter with all her numbers and approval information that is sent to the US consulate in China, so they can process her.... Art 5

Article 5 is the from needed to be sent to the CCCWA (China) so that they can issue our TA or travel approval :)

Head spinning yet?  So we are waiting for that Article 5 paperwork to be processed and be given a pick up day.  The problem is Chinese New Year is the last part of January- first part of February.  So as you can guess that will be a bit of a delay.  We have been told that TA can be rushed since our sons TA was issued in December and it expires the first part of March. So we will see, travel is looking really good for the last week in February!!!! We have to request a CA (consulate appointment) as soon as TA is issued.   The CA is at the US consulate in Guangzhou and must be set before our schedule can be made and our gotcha days settled on.  But what I know is barring any major catastrophe we will have our children in our arms either the last week in February or the first week in March!  I am so excited!!!!!!...

Now for the emotional part....

I have been trying to cling to faith, and I am doing pretty well, but there is this continual nagging feeling in my gut that I keep ignoring,  I refuse to acknowledge the questions the enemy is whispering in my ear.  Fear is constantly trying to creep into my heart, and I am exhausted from fighting it off.  Today I have finally come to a place where I am looking into my Fathers eyes again, and saying  those familiar words.  "Ok you asked us to do this, and we obeyed, now I am laying it back at your feet, because only you can meet this massive financial need."  When I do that,  I feel the wrinkles of my forehead relax and calm floods me.  I want to stay there, but I haven't quite figured out how to stay there and get on with my day :) So I keep going and squeezing my eyes closed against the things I see around me that need to be done,  and trying to sing louder than the voices whispering those scary words. "God I trust you... God I trust you...." these are the words, no, the weapon I yield against them all.... "I trust you even though I cannot see the answer,  I trust you when fear tries to bury me,  I trust you... I CHOOSE to keep trusting you" 

In the midst of all of this,  I get these little blessings,  friends and family that care so much that they get together and send us reminders that we are not alone.  Thank you to all my family and friends,  you will never know what a blessing you have been to us,  every cent, every prayer, every hug, every word of encouragement, (every time you have listened patiently to my mad ramblings) has not gone unnoticed.  It matters to us, and to God.  I cannot thank you properly, but I pray God bless each of you.  I love you all so much, and I love to see how God has changed the fabric of my family,  each of us so different because of adoption, not because of me, but because God loved a raven haired little girl so much He rallied a family and people in several states to fight their way too her.  I love to hear them talk about her, and how she has changed the world around her.  How I have friends and loved ones that will hold children who's skin is a different color than theirs, that they didn't give birth to and call them sons and daughters, because adoption changes us.  I love that the journey didn't end with Ariana,  and it wont end with Elijah and Eva (and our precious doodle bug), it will grow and move and change,  I cannot wait to hold my nephews and nieces born into other families but grafted by the hand of God into ours.  I dream of multicolored family gatherings and celebrations of the lives given to us by birth and by adoption.  I guess what I am saying is,  every bit of the struggle,  everyday spent fighting off emotion and fear, every penny raised, every accusing question and judgment laid by those who cannot understand why we do this, every single thing and more is worth it... because these babies are worth it.  Each of them crafted lovingly by the hand of God,  imperfect in mans eyes but extraordinary to God.  Thank you Father for these gifts, thank you for allowing me to be a mother to all 6 of these precious lives.  I pray I don't screw it up to badly :) Thank you for placing people with beautiful hearts in our life, both new and old.

Pray for our babies,  the ones here that we have to leave for two weeks and the two in China that have to leave all they have ever known.  Pray for peace, and comfort, and for wisdom for us.  :) Keep praying that we can raise the finances in time.  Pray for health, safety, bonding and the growth of our family (and for rest for Dad and Mom).

God bless you all...

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