check it out!!!

This is a short version of our journey to our first adopted princess, Ariana, featured on Show Hopes blog today!!!

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Updates

I posted on Facebook but didn't update this blog. Sowwy!  I seem to be saying this at the beginning of all my posts.  :(   Anywho...  December has been a whirlwind for us, my last post was on the 9th, since then so much has happened.  We received our TA (travel approval) for Elijah on the 9th and then waited and waited for Eva's LOA.  We got a early Christmas gift when we received word that her LOA (final approval to adopt her from China)  was showing in the system on Dec 19th.... YAY! Hard copy was receive by Dec 23, and overnighted to us.  We were ready and sent off her i800 paperwork that same day... it was received Dec 26 at the lockbox, but we still haven't gotten the confirmation text or email.  We included a plea to process her paperwork quickly due to Elijah's TA already being issued and rushing to get hers before we need an extension.  We also included an adorable photo of her to tug at their hearts :). We will see if it helped very soon, it normally takes 10-14 days to get to our officer who is aware of our situation and has promised to get it out as soon as he gets it.  Say a prayer for speedy paperwork processing!  Then we wait to get our GUZ number and PDF from the US government so we can have our Article 5 dropped off in Ch*na.  That process takes about 2 weeks as well, but January has Chinese New Year which could delay us a bit if we don't beat it.  Then Article 5 is picked up and TA wait begins (again another 2 weeks or so).  Once all of that is done we can request a US Consulate appointment and then travel is scheduled, flights are booked and we have a flurry of activity to get there!

Now... I have some specific prayer requests.

1) We still need over 24 thousand dollars and aren't sure where it is going to come from. 
2) We need help, we have used up most of our fund raising ideas, and haven't had a lot of success.  
     We have a couple ideas but need a place to promote them.
3) Please begin to pray for health and safety on our trip for our whole family. 
4) I am trying to get fit (as fit as I can before we go) we cannot use any money for this due to the
     adoption cost so I need to be creative.
5) Please pray for our children in China, that they have a smooth transition, that it will be easy for
      them and that they will feel our love and Gods love comforting them during a scary time.
6) Pray for their health, and especially for Eva's.  We received a newsletter from our agency and part
     of it shared about the great need for basic necessities, please pray God be her provider, that she
     have enough to eat and that she stay healthy. 
7) Pray for our family as we transition into a new church and a new body,  we believe God has led us
     here, to a place where He has placed others with a common heart for orphans.  We want
     desperately to do all we can for these precious little ones everywhere. Pray for direction and peace
     for a quick transition, and for healing for our hearts.  Please pray for Ariana, that her needs will be
     met and she will adjust well.

I want to say thank you to Jason and Merissa Yusko,  you have been such a blessing to us,  thank you for all you have and are doing to help bring our babies home.  your love. kindness and friendship is priceless to us and it means more than you will ever know.  Also thank you to everyone who has given to their fund raising efforts for our family,  we do not take one dollar for granted.  We are blessed beyond words by your generosity.  I love you all.

If I am saying thank you, I must include the most important one of all.  Thank you God for being faithful, for meeting every need as it arises and for loving us and these babies you have led us to more than we could ever deserve.  I love you always.

Kathy

Waiting and waiting and being reminded about who God is and who I am to him.

Ok so....  so little and so much has been going on since my last blog.   We have been waiting for Article five pickup and then on to TA wait for Elijah.  This part is usually a whirl wind and goes very quickly, and is normally very exciting.  For us this time has been very hard,  as Eva's LOA has been stuck in this new rule China has instituted due to some issues with the new system, and a very ugly article published about rehoming.  It is a horrible thing (rehoming) when it is done underground and incorrectly.  So it caused quite a stir.  I cannot imagine ever letting one of my children go no matter how bad things got.  maybe that is because I have walked through some really tough stuff with our birth children. I would die before I gave one of them up.  Anyway... that said, we were stuck... we submitted everything China wanted and then waited... and waited.  It felt as though we would be walking through a long wait for Eva's LOA.  There was also a change in leadership in Ch*na. It has been so very hard emotionally, couple that with an all out attack from the enemy to destroy my hope and faith, and you have a recipe for sadness and hopelessness.

Now let me tell you the other process that I have been walking through.  I am going to very open and honest and real with you.  I have always had this nagging voice (I know it is the enemies voice) every time things go south in my life,  telling me I am just not good enough for God to bless me like that.  I grew up in a "christian world" that sort of fed that belief.  If you were seen as good enough you were honored and uplifted and the things you felt called to do were supported. If you were family, or a close friend, or super talented, but if not, then you were ever so lovingly shoved back into the box you were good enough for.  You got the smiles and the head nods when you shared what you felt God wanted you to do, but you could see through there eyes the questioning heart.  "Did you really pray about this?" The doubt "I don't think God is telling you that" and the "I am not sure that is a good idea".  Oh those words would never dare be spoken to you.  But they were there, and even spoken to others about you when you weren't there.  You can feel it when others have faith in you,  when they are with you when you leap, and with you if you fall.  I say all of that so say, we moved across country and found our selves in a strange new world,  full of people who all looked different and felt different and came from different places but were standing shoulder to shoulder doing Gods work (and just to clarify this was not a perfect world).  We were invited to step in beside them,  and it changed me.  I didn't need the fiery sermon or the fancy worship song,  I didn't need to be good enough because it doesn't matter how good you are if you are handing someone a loaf of bread, or supporting a missionary, or helping a family make an orphan a son.  I watched in awe as God birthed beautiful ministries from unlikely places. I walked through and dealt with the ugliness of judgment in my own heart.  I also learned I would never allow myself to be put into a religious box again... I wish I could say I have held strong to that.  Honesty requires a different answer.  We have found ourselves feeling exactly like that at different times over the last couple years, and I found myself making the same excuses, I also found I was believing those old familiar lies.  So here we stand today,  taking some bold and scary steps at the worst possible time, and trusting that God will walk with us and before us.  Trusting that every penny to bring our kids into our home will come in.  Funny because with those steps and the fear,  I can feel a new sense of freedom growing in my heart.  I can feel my faith beginning to rise from the ashes.  I can see that the dust is clearing and my babies faces are coming into view again.  I don't know exactly where this road will lead,  but I know for sure that we are watching hard for the Fathers footprint in front of us to know where to place our foot with the next step.  I feel strength welling up within me for the first time in a long time.

I must say two things... One: "Thank you Father for your faithfulness, thank you that you are always
                                       with me even when I cannot see, hear or feel you."

Two:  Don't let the words and opinions of others define you... I have done it many many times, and it is soul crushing,  and wrong.  Only God was meant to hold that place in our heart.  Only He was meant to write on the tablet of who you are.  Men will fail us, but God is faithful.

As a final note,  I am not angry as I type these words,  I have learned so many things I needed to over the last few years.  I am thankful and blessed for every person I have worked with and gotten to know.  No man is perfect,  we do our best, we fall and we learn from it.  We take on the words and actions of those before us as if they are our own, until we find our self on the other side of those words and realize they aren't so true after all.  We have also been blessed with a small group of people that through it all, have believed in us.  They carried us, and lift up or heads when we weren't sure how to go on. We are truly thankful and blessed to have each and every one of them placed in our life by of faithful Daddy.

Soooo..... today we got an email.  We have Elijah's TA (travel approval), :)  if it were just him we would be booking our flights and scheduling or consulate appointment.  However or sweet Eva's paperwork has been stalled, and as you can by the thermometer to the right we still have a lot of money to raise.  But I have faith,  an ever growing beautiful faith.  I am choosing to trust that God has the answer and He has a beautiful miracle waiting for us,  one that will glorify Him. I have no doubt He called to our hearts to do this.  Pray for us... and for our babies.  Pray they have an easy transition on what could be a very scary hard day for them,  Pray for their safety and that God will whisper of His love and ours to them while they wait.  :)  Oh and for wisdom to know what fund raisers to do and favor that they get done quickly and are blessed beyond measure.

Thank you for your love and support... I love you all

Kathy

I am so over it...

I am exhausted and emotional today, but I have promised to always be real on this blog.  So here goes... We have hit a roadblock.  There is a glitch in Ch*na's system that seems to only randomly hit some, while others glide through untouched.  We got hit... Our second match was a surprise and came super late, but it looked like her paperwork could be rushed through to catch up with her big brothers.  Things were going well, Pre-approval took longer than it should have, but we were moving.  Now along with some other families Ch*na is saying they have a rule change, funny this new rule only effects some people. There are other families in China and going to China soon with the same scenario as us , and they did not have to comply with this new rule.  The problem is, someone is messing up and assigning separate numbers to our second match, this should not be, they should have the same number as our first match.  Because of this it looks in the system like we need a second dossier.  Which means backtracking and adding on several months and a lot more money in courier and authentication fees.  Our agency is fighting this, but so far they aren't budging.  We cannot continue to watch the amount we owe grow, while fundraisers fail miserably.  I know I sound whiney, I know I seem weak... and today that's exactly how I feel.  I am sad and angry and disappointed.  I don't know why every single step has to be so hard,  I ache because my children are growing up without me.  My son will be 5 in April,  I want him home before they baby is all gone and the boy fully emerges. He has no language at all and has never heard a sound.  Everyday that passes without him being given words is increasing the struggle he will have to learn and catch up.  My daughter is in need of intervention for her hearing, and every second lost is precious time her brain can never get back.  Most hearing professionals see 2 as the window for a child to get the most benefit from aides/ surgeries, ect.   Most of all they need family, they need to know and be told they are priceless.

Heres the worst part, today I am sad and angry at God... (gasp... really, no she didn't... how dare she)  I have prayed and prayed and I know He hears me and sees.  I know He has the power to move mountains, He has the ability to connect us to the right people and resources to get us fully funded, yet He is silent. I am angry that people who love God are more concerned about saving a building than the lives of two precious children.  I am angry that people who say they love me and my kids would rather sit around and pass judgement on us because they don't agree with who or what or how or where we are adopting/ fund raising, and that those same people won't do anything to help.  Funny it is always the people on the sidelines who are criticizing the ones in the game. 

Ultimately here is what I know.  I am not God.  I cannot see what He sees, nor know what He knows.  I know that even though I get hurt/angry/disappointed at Him,  I will always ALWAYS choose to trust Him.  I know that in the end I will hold my babies, even if it is longer and harder than I want or feel I can handle.  I know that every moment, every tear, every heartbreak is worth it.  Because Elijah and Eva are worth it!  They are valuable and precious and priceless, just like every other child.  I now that God has placed beautiful wonderful people in my life, and I will cry on their shoulder, and their prayers will carry me through, and I will rise... dust myself off and go on to fight again. 

Elijah and Eva, Mommy and Daddy promise you this... We will succeed, we will get the funds somewhere somehow, and we will bring you home. 

God,  I choose to trust you, past the fear, and the pain and the anger.  You are my Father, and I know you love me, and my babies (even more than I do)... I will never let go of your hand.

Kathy

Beautiful disappointment.

As we prepared for our benefit concert last night,  we were blessed to meet some of the most Godly kindhearted people.  For those who don't know, we were contacted by a group from the cowboy church in Tyler that had seen our news story on KLTV.  They wanted to help us raise funds by doing a benefit concert.  We set a date, reserved the church, printed flyers and they began to advertise.The list of artist, some well known and some we hadn't heard of grew.  I had no idea what to expect, but I was thankful for there generosity.  David went down to the church at two, Howard (Dean) was there and they helped set up, all the artist were there, looking wonderful, and very prepared.  They did their sound checks and went over order.  The night was set, they were prepared and they prayed. I was impressed.  I was excited.  I was nervous.  We have met disappointment before, and I was concerned that these new friends who had given freely of their time and their hearts would have to witness that kind of disappointment.  My Sister and her hubby, and my Mom and Aunt Helen were with us, ready to help do whatever was needed. Barbara (Arent) was also there, she had been helping set up and she was staying. All that was left to do was wait.

Doors opened at 5... no one was waiting.
I tried not to check the time. I tried to cling to hope
But time came and went
5:15 no one
5:30  still no one
At this point I am feeling physically ill
5:45 not one single car, not one foot on the stairs, nothing but a huge empty sanctuary.

I am going to be completely honest, even though the enemy is whispering in my ear, that people will just pity us, and that it will only make things worse., and even though I am embarrassed. When you plan things like this you do your best not to think, not to let yourself hope for any set number, every time those thoughts come, you close your eyes and cling to God, you tell Him you trust Him no matter the outcome. You remind Him of the conversation you had with Him about Him having to be the one to do this, because we cannot. But when 5;45 rolls around and no one is there... not the friend you new from high school, not the people who have known you since you were a child, not the friends and family you sit next too in church every Sunday and Wednesday.  Most of them don't even bother to make excuses anymore, they just ignore the entire thing as if it doesn't apply to them.  I get it, this is our choice, it is something we took on, and it is not your "responsibility"... or maybe that isn't true... but that is between you and God.

So by 5;50 I was alone in a long hallway fighting back the tears, reeling with emotion, on the verge of losing it.  I was ashamed and sad and embarrassed to face these artist that had given so much for us. I knew I needed to pray, I knew I needed the comfort only my Father could give.  So I said the only words I could, "God I need you,  I cannot do this on my own, I need your peace and strength." Tears were shed, but peace began to fill my heart, and the sick feeling left me. My hubby came and hugged me and left me with the girls to go talk to everyone.  I made my way back to where my family was sitting in the foyer, and David came and found us.  The words he spoke shocked me, "they want to do this, they are ready to start". What? Why?  My first thought was... no way... this is going to be miserable, sitting there through a whole concert thinking about it.  Then I realized, these wonderful people are here and they want to do this and I was going to give them my full attention with an open heart.  I am forever grateful I did.

The one thing you long for when adopting is support,  the arms of others around you who believe in you and what God has called you to do. The one this you fear is peoples doubt and negativity that eats away at your faith.  These strangers, became family last night.  They didn't show us pity, or feel sorry for us,  they didn't speak bitter words or question if God was with us.  They wrapped their arms and their hearts around us.  They sang as if the building was full.  They spoke words of encouragement and faith.  They were Gods hands and feet and voices.  Their songs spoke peace to us, and they truly believe God is going to bring our babies home.  I honestly feel sorry for everyone that missed it.  I wish I could bottle up the beauty and share it with every adoptive family that has ever felt alone.  We were set up by a God who knew more about what our heart needed than what dollar signs were hanging over our heads.  These artist began to tell us, they believed God prepared this night just for us.  They weren't upset that they gave up time with their families, time they could have spent doing other important things.  They were happy and cheerful and honestly glad to be there.  I will never be able to put into words what that meant, or what it felt like.  I cannot express the love I felt from them, and most of all from my Father.  That could have been the end of the story, but it isn't.  They decided to call last night a private dress rehearsal, and they are going to do this concert again, at a different location.  Sigh... beautiful disappointment... beauty God is crafting with the ashes of what I had dreamed, into something far more beautiful than I could have ever imagined.  I am so thankful... so grateful.

I don't want to forget to mention, Lisa Wyatt also joined us right after we got started, she got to witness Gods masterpiece poured out.

Details will follow about a knew date...

Kathy

Eva Meili Ferguson

I am beyond please to finally be able to post this picture.  We have preapproval and should have our LOA very soon for this gorgeous princess.  Here is the long awaited Eva Meili Ferguson....

We feel beyond blessed to have these babies in our life,   now back to work, keep praying we have a lot of money to raise and not much time to do it... but God is faithful... PRAY PRAY PRAY !!!! Elijah and Eva Daddy and Momma are coming babies!

I love our Town!

Update on our CAN OUR YARD... This is why I LOVE WHITE OAK! We have spoken to the city manager who also spoke with the mayor... White Oak cares about its people, and they care about our kids.   We will be moving the sign (and our container will be redone) to our side road where most people have parked to drop off cans anyway... We will be continuing our can our yard drive!!!!!!!!!!!!SO keep saving those cans... trust me it matters.  I plan to put out a few signs showing the stats and how much this fund raiser has contributed!!!

People don't buy into the lies that say people don't care... the do.  Most of all God does...

Love
Kathy