check it out!!!

This is a short version of our journey to our first adopted princess, Ariana, featured on Show Hopes blog today!!!

http://showhope.org/finding-hope-in-the-hurdles/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+showhopeblog+%28Show+Hope%29&utm_content=FaceBook

Updates

I posted on Facebook but didn't update this blog. Sowwy!  I seem to be saying this at the beginning of all my posts.  :(   Anywho...  December has been a whirlwind for us, my last post was on the 9th, since then so much has happened.  We received our TA (travel approval) for Elijah on the 9th and then waited and waited for Eva's LOA.  We got a early Christmas gift when we received word that her LOA (final approval to adopt her from China)  was showing in the system on Dec 19th.... YAY! Hard copy was receive by Dec 23, and overnighted to us.  We were ready and sent off her i800 paperwork that same day... it was received Dec 26 at the lockbox, but we still haven't gotten the confirmation text or email.  We included a plea to process her paperwork quickly due to Elijah's TA already being issued and rushing to get hers before we need an extension.  We also included an adorable photo of her to tug at their hearts :). We will see if it helped very soon, it normally takes 10-14 days to get to our officer who is aware of our situation and has promised to get it out as soon as he gets it.  Say a prayer for speedy paperwork processing!  Then we wait to get our GUZ number and PDF from the US government so we can have our Article 5 dropped off in Ch*na.  That process takes about 2 weeks as well, but January has Chinese New Year which could delay us a bit if we don't beat it.  Then Article 5 is picked up and TA wait begins (again another 2 weeks or so).  Once all of that is done we can request a US Consulate appointment and then travel is scheduled, flights are booked and we have a flurry of activity to get there!

Now... I have some specific prayer requests.

1) We still need over 24 thousand dollars and aren't sure where it is going to come from. 
2) We need help, we have used up most of our fund raising ideas, and haven't had a lot of success.  
     We have a couple ideas but need a place to promote them.
3) Please begin to pray for health and safety on our trip for our whole family. 
4) I am trying to get fit (as fit as I can before we go) we cannot use any money for this due to the
     adoption cost so I need to be creative.
5) Please pray for our children in China, that they have a smooth transition, that it will be easy for
      them and that they will feel our love and Gods love comforting them during a scary time.
6) Pray for their health, and especially for Eva's.  We received a newsletter from our agency and part
     of it shared about the great need for basic necessities, please pray God be her provider, that she
     have enough to eat and that she stay healthy. 
7) Pray for our family as we transition into a new church and a new body,  we believe God has led us
     here, to a place where He has placed others with a common heart for orphans.  We want
     desperately to do all we can for these precious little ones everywhere. Pray for direction and peace
     for a quick transition, and for healing for our hearts.  Please pray for Ariana, that her needs will be
     met and she will adjust well.

I want to say thank you to Jason and Merissa Yusko,  you have been such a blessing to us,  thank you for all you have and are doing to help bring our babies home.  your love. kindness and friendship is priceless to us and it means more than you will ever know.  Also thank you to everyone who has given to their fund raising efforts for our family,  we do not take one dollar for granted.  We are blessed beyond words by your generosity.  I love you all.

If I am saying thank you, I must include the most important one of all.  Thank you God for being faithful, for meeting every need as it arises and for loving us and these babies you have led us to more than we could ever deserve.  I love you always.

Kathy

Waiting and waiting and being reminded about who God is and who I am to him.

Ok so....  so little and so much has been going on since my last blog.   We have been waiting for Article five pickup and then on to TA wait for Elijah.  This part is usually a whirl wind and goes very quickly, and is normally very exciting.  For us this time has been very hard,  as Eva's LOA has been stuck in this new rule China has instituted due to some issues with the new system, and a very ugly article published about rehoming.  It is a horrible thing (rehoming) when it is done underground and incorrectly.  So it caused quite a stir.  I cannot imagine ever letting one of my children go no matter how bad things got.  maybe that is because I have walked through some really tough stuff with our birth children. I would die before I gave one of them up.  Anyway... that said, we were stuck... we submitted everything China wanted and then waited... and waited.  It felt as though we would be walking through a long wait for Eva's LOA.  There was also a change in leadership in Ch*na. It has been so very hard emotionally, couple that with an all out attack from the enemy to destroy my hope and faith, and you have a recipe for sadness and hopelessness.

Now let me tell you the other process that I have been walking through.  I am going to very open and honest and real with you.  I have always had this nagging voice (I know it is the enemies voice) every time things go south in my life,  telling me I am just not good enough for God to bless me like that.  I grew up in a "christian world" that sort of fed that belief.  If you were seen as good enough you were honored and uplifted and the things you felt called to do were supported. If you were family, or a close friend, or super talented, but if not, then you were ever so lovingly shoved back into the box you were good enough for.  You got the smiles and the head nods when you shared what you felt God wanted you to do, but you could see through there eyes the questioning heart.  "Did you really pray about this?" The doubt "I don't think God is telling you that" and the "I am not sure that is a good idea".  Oh those words would never dare be spoken to you.  But they were there, and even spoken to others about you when you weren't there.  You can feel it when others have faith in you,  when they are with you when you leap, and with you if you fall.  I say all of that so say, we moved across country and found our selves in a strange new world,  full of people who all looked different and felt different and came from different places but were standing shoulder to shoulder doing Gods work (and just to clarify this was not a perfect world).  We were invited to step in beside them,  and it changed me.  I didn't need the fiery sermon or the fancy worship song,  I didn't need to be good enough because it doesn't matter how good you are if you are handing someone a loaf of bread, or supporting a missionary, or helping a family make an orphan a son.  I watched in awe as God birthed beautiful ministries from unlikely places. I walked through and dealt with the ugliness of judgment in my own heart.  I also learned I would never allow myself to be put into a religious box again... I wish I could say I have held strong to that.  Honesty requires a different answer.  We have found ourselves feeling exactly like that at different times over the last couple years, and I found myself making the same excuses, I also found I was believing those old familiar lies.  So here we stand today,  taking some bold and scary steps at the worst possible time, and trusting that God will walk with us and before us.  Trusting that every penny to bring our kids into our home will come in.  Funny because with those steps and the fear,  I can feel a new sense of freedom growing in my heart.  I can feel my faith beginning to rise from the ashes.  I can see that the dust is clearing and my babies faces are coming into view again.  I don't know exactly where this road will lead,  but I know for sure that we are watching hard for the Fathers footprint in front of us to know where to place our foot with the next step.  I feel strength welling up within me for the first time in a long time.

I must say two things... One: "Thank you Father for your faithfulness, thank you that you are always
                                       with me even when I cannot see, hear or feel you."

Two:  Don't let the words and opinions of others define you... I have done it many many times, and it is soul crushing,  and wrong.  Only God was meant to hold that place in our heart.  Only He was meant to write on the tablet of who you are.  Men will fail us, but God is faithful.

As a final note,  I am not angry as I type these words,  I have learned so many things I needed to over the last few years.  I am thankful and blessed for every person I have worked with and gotten to know.  No man is perfect,  we do our best, we fall and we learn from it.  We take on the words and actions of those before us as if they are our own, until we find our self on the other side of those words and realize they aren't so true after all.  We have also been blessed with a small group of people that through it all, have believed in us.  They carried us, and lift up or heads when we weren't sure how to go on. We are truly thankful and blessed to have each and every one of them placed in our life by of faithful Daddy.

Soooo..... today we got an email.  We have Elijah's TA (travel approval), :)  if it were just him we would be booking our flights and scheduling or consulate appointment.  However or sweet Eva's paperwork has been stalled, and as you can by the thermometer to the right we still have a lot of money to raise.  But I have faith,  an ever growing beautiful faith.  I am choosing to trust that God has the answer and He has a beautiful miracle waiting for us,  one that will glorify Him. I have no doubt He called to our hearts to do this.  Pray for us... and for our babies.  Pray they have an easy transition on what could be a very scary hard day for them,  Pray for their safety and that God will whisper of His love and ours to them while they wait.  :)  Oh and for wisdom to know what fund raisers to do and favor that they get done quickly and are blessed beyond measure.

Thank you for your love and support... I love you all

Kathy

I am so over it...

I am exhausted and emotional today, but I have promised to always be real on this blog.  So here goes... We have hit a roadblock.  There is a glitch in Ch*na's system that seems to only randomly hit some, while others glide through untouched.  We got hit... Our second match was a surprise and came super late, but it looked like her paperwork could be rushed through to catch up with her big brothers.  Things were going well, Pre-approval took longer than it should have, but we were moving.  Now along with some other families Ch*na is saying they have a rule change, funny this new rule only effects some people. There are other families in China and going to China soon with the same scenario as us , and they did not have to comply with this new rule.  The problem is, someone is messing up and assigning separate numbers to our second match, this should not be, they should have the same number as our first match.  Because of this it looks in the system like we need a second dossier.  Which means backtracking and adding on several months and a lot more money in courier and authentication fees.  Our agency is fighting this, but so far they aren't budging.  We cannot continue to watch the amount we owe grow, while fundraisers fail miserably.  I know I sound whiney, I know I seem weak... and today that's exactly how I feel.  I am sad and angry and disappointed.  I don't know why every single step has to be so hard,  I ache because my children are growing up without me.  My son will be 5 in April,  I want him home before they baby is all gone and the boy fully emerges. He has no language at all and has never heard a sound.  Everyday that passes without him being given words is increasing the struggle he will have to learn and catch up.  My daughter is in need of intervention for her hearing, and every second lost is precious time her brain can never get back.  Most hearing professionals see 2 as the window for a child to get the most benefit from aides/ surgeries, ect.   Most of all they need family, they need to know and be told they are priceless.

Heres the worst part, today I am sad and angry at God... (gasp... really, no she didn't... how dare she)  I have prayed and prayed and I know He hears me and sees.  I know He has the power to move mountains, He has the ability to connect us to the right people and resources to get us fully funded, yet He is silent. I am angry that people who love God are more concerned about saving a building than the lives of two precious children.  I am angry that people who say they love me and my kids would rather sit around and pass judgement on us because they don't agree with who or what or how or where we are adopting/ fund raising, and that those same people won't do anything to help.  Funny it is always the people on the sidelines who are criticizing the ones in the game. 

Ultimately here is what I know.  I am not God.  I cannot see what He sees, nor know what He knows.  I know that even though I get hurt/angry/disappointed at Him,  I will always ALWAYS choose to trust Him.  I know that in the end I will hold my babies, even if it is longer and harder than I want or feel I can handle.  I know that every moment, every tear, every heartbreak is worth it.  Because Elijah and Eva are worth it!  They are valuable and precious and priceless, just like every other child.  I now that God has placed beautiful wonderful people in my life, and I will cry on their shoulder, and their prayers will carry me through, and I will rise... dust myself off and go on to fight again. 

Elijah and Eva, Mommy and Daddy promise you this... We will succeed, we will get the funds somewhere somehow, and we will bring you home. 

God,  I choose to trust you, past the fear, and the pain and the anger.  You are my Father, and I know you love me, and my babies (even more than I do)... I will never let go of your hand.

Kathy

Beautiful disappointment.

As we prepared for our benefit concert last night,  we were blessed to meet some of the most Godly kindhearted people.  For those who don't know, we were contacted by a group from the cowboy church in Tyler that had seen our news story on KLTV.  They wanted to help us raise funds by doing a benefit concert.  We set a date, reserved the church, printed flyers and they began to advertise.The list of artist, some well known and some we hadn't heard of grew.  I had no idea what to expect, but I was thankful for there generosity.  David went down to the church at two, Howard (Dean) was there and they helped set up, all the artist were there, looking wonderful, and very prepared.  They did their sound checks and went over order.  The night was set, they were prepared and they prayed. I was impressed.  I was excited.  I was nervous.  We have met disappointment before, and I was concerned that these new friends who had given freely of their time and their hearts would have to witness that kind of disappointment.  My Sister and her hubby, and my Mom and Aunt Helen were with us, ready to help do whatever was needed. Barbara (Arent) was also there, she had been helping set up and she was staying. All that was left to do was wait.

Doors opened at 5... no one was waiting.
I tried not to check the time. I tried to cling to hope
But time came and went
5:15 no one
5:30  still no one
At this point I am feeling physically ill
5:45 not one single car, not one foot on the stairs, nothing but a huge empty sanctuary.

I am going to be completely honest, even though the enemy is whispering in my ear, that people will just pity us, and that it will only make things worse., and even though I am embarrassed. When you plan things like this you do your best not to think, not to let yourself hope for any set number, every time those thoughts come, you close your eyes and cling to God, you tell Him you trust Him no matter the outcome. You remind Him of the conversation you had with Him about Him having to be the one to do this, because we cannot. But when 5;45 rolls around and no one is there... not the friend you new from high school, not the people who have known you since you were a child, not the friends and family you sit next too in church every Sunday and Wednesday.  Most of them don't even bother to make excuses anymore, they just ignore the entire thing as if it doesn't apply to them.  I get it, this is our choice, it is something we took on, and it is not your "responsibility"... or maybe that isn't true... but that is between you and God.

So by 5;50 I was alone in a long hallway fighting back the tears, reeling with emotion, on the verge of losing it.  I was ashamed and sad and embarrassed to face these artist that had given so much for us. I knew I needed to pray, I knew I needed the comfort only my Father could give.  So I said the only words I could, "God I need you,  I cannot do this on my own, I need your peace and strength." Tears were shed, but peace began to fill my heart, and the sick feeling left me. My hubby came and hugged me and left me with the girls to go talk to everyone.  I made my way back to where my family was sitting in the foyer, and David came and found us.  The words he spoke shocked me, "they want to do this, they are ready to start". What? Why?  My first thought was... no way... this is going to be miserable, sitting there through a whole concert thinking about it.  Then I realized, these wonderful people are here and they want to do this and I was going to give them my full attention with an open heart.  I am forever grateful I did.

The one thing you long for when adopting is support,  the arms of others around you who believe in you and what God has called you to do. The one this you fear is peoples doubt and negativity that eats away at your faith.  These strangers, became family last night.  They didn't show us pity, or feel sorry for us,  they didn't speak bitter words or question if God was with us.  They wrapped their arms and their hearts around us.  They sang as if the building was full.  They spoke words of encouragement and faith.  They were Gods hands and feet and voices.  Their songs spoke peace to us, and they truly believe God is going to bring our babies home.  I honestly feel sorry for everyone that missed it.  I wish I could bottle up the beauty and share it with every adoptive family that has ever felt alone.  We were set up by a God who knew more about what our heart needed than what dollar signs were hanging over our heads.  These artist began to tell us, they believed God prepared this night just for us.  They weren't upset that they gave up time with their families, time they could have spent doing other important things.  They were happy and cheerful and honestly glad to be there.  I will never be able to put into words what that meant, or what it felt like.  I cannot express the love I felt from them, and most of all from my Father.  That could have been the end of the story, but it isn't.  They decided to call last night a private dress rehearsal, and they are going to do this concert again, at a different location.  Sigh... beautiful disappointment... beauty God is crafting with the ashes of what I had dreamed, into something far more beautiful than I could have ever imagined.  I am so thankful... so grateful.

I don't want to forget to mention, Lisa Wyatt also joined us right after we got started, she got to witness Gods masterpiece poured out.

Details will follow about a knew date...

Kathy

Eva Meili Ferguson

I am beyond please to finally be able to post this picture.  We have preapproval and should have our LOA very soon for this gorgeous princess.  Here is the long awaited Eva Meili Ferguson....

We feel beyond blessed to have these babies in our life,   now back to work, keep praying we have a lot of money to raise and not much time to do it... but God is faithful... PRAY PRAY PRAY !!!! Elijah and Eva Daddy and Momma are coming babies!

I love our Town!

Update on our CAN OUR YARD... This is why I LOVE WHITE OAK! We have spoken to the city manager who also spoke with the mayor... White Oak cares about its people, and they care about our kids.   We will be moving the sign (and our container will be redone) to our side road where most people have parked to drop off cans anyway... We will be continuing our can our yard drive!!!!!!!!!!!!SO keep saving those cans... trust me it matters.  I plan to put out a few signs showing the stats and how much this fund raiser has contributed!!!

People don't buy into the lies that say people don't care... the do.  Most of all God does...

Love
Kathy

Sometimes people disappoint me...

So somebody in White Oak probably one of our neighbors has complained to the city (who we got permission from) about our yard sign and our cans we are collecting to raise money for our adoption. I think I am in shock that our yard sign has bothered them so badly that removing it is more important than bringing two kids into a forever home. We have had so much positive feedback, and we purposely created a barrier to keep them in one area. They are not left there long, taken every weekend unless there is only one or two bags. So anyway... per the fire marshal we have to take the sign down and remove the bags of cans. So thank you to everyone who has been so supportive and has continued every week to bring cans to help us bring our babies home This has been a wonderful continual fund raiser and we are very sad to lose it... We have until Saturday to remove it so if you have been saving cans for us you can drop them of before then.

 
This has been a wonderful tool for raising awareness about our adoption and just adoption in general.  I am blessed to have met and talked to and shared this with all of you.... please pray for us and our fund raising efforts, we keep hitting brick walls. I am digging in my nails and clinging to the truth that God has this....

I am sad but not broken,
Kathy

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MAJOR UPDATE!

So while waiting for our i800 for our gorgeous little guy, hubby called our agency to ask about something else and was told they had just gotten a file that fit our search criteria!  Now to understand this, you have to know we started out looking for a girl, but when our son was brought to us we knew he was meant to be ours.  We are head over heals in love with him!  So we got approved for two and we have been waiting since March to see our daughters face. Nothing... and more nothing... so here we are in October, waiting for i800 for Elijah.  We had decided to proceed to get him, gotten a new balance and set out to raise the last funds needed just for him. Then God surprises us with our Eva... so we submitted LOI (letter of intent) and we wait for China to approve, which should be quick because of our status with Elijah.  So when hubby called to check on Elijah's i800 we found out we got approved today!!! 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH So we will rush Eva's i800 to them as soon as we have her LOA (letter of approval) in hand.  This may slow us down just a bit but it is oh so worth it!  Then file for visas and wait for travel approval and consulate appointments! It is about to get crazy around this house!!!!


Now.... We face a much bigger mountain... or balance to be fully funded has grown significantly.  We need help!  We have to raise funds in about two months time!!! I will update our status thermometer soon and as soon as we get approval for Eva I will post her picture!!!! Pray my friends and if you have ideas on how to help or want to donate to help get these babies home we would be so blessed... I KNOW GOD HAS LINED ALL THIS UP... I KNOW HE BROUGHT THESE BABIES INTO OUR LIVES..... AND I KNOW HE WILL DO THIS!!!!!


Love
Kathy

Waiting on I800

So Our LOA was signed, copied and sent back to our agency, and our I800 was sent and received last Thursday.  We should have approval before the first of Nov, maybe sooner!

We have a concert coming up, and my sister and I are making adorable Christmas bows, I will post a picture soon.  We are also still collecting cans.  I am so thankful to White Oak and the surrounding cities for collecting these cans and dropping them off in our yard.  It makes my heart swell everytime I see new bags in the yard.  I am blessed to know all of you care so much for our family and getting our babies home with us. :) THANK YOU!

Please pray we can get our flooring and get it installed, the kids room needs carpet and we need to finish the floors in rest of the house, we had to pull the really really really old carpet out due to smell, and issues it was causing with allergies in the family.  We also need to close up the brick on the corners of the house left open when we removed the wings... Most of all keep praying our baby home, we are praying and hoping he is here before this year is over.

Love,
Me

WE GOT OUR LOA!!!!

We don't have the paper copy in hand yet... but we got our LOA!!!!! We got word via email from our fabulous agency on the 9th... I posted it everywhere but here.  I am sorry I haven't been better at posting on the blog... so much going on and I have not really adjusted well.  :)

We are also having another fundraiser, another adoptive momma is doing an Usborne Book fundraiser and donating all of her commission to our adoption fund! Thank you Sindy, your generosity is such a blessing!!! I love love love Usborne Books and they make great gifts. Here is the link, I will also add it to the top right under fund raisers...

https://x3295.myubam.com/shop

Keep praying, if all goes well we can travel to China in December to get our little man... no more Christmas's without a family for our Elijah... 4 was too many.

Love to all you guys.

Kathy

Oh and I heard there might be a class at UGISD following along with us... if so... Welcome!!!  thank you to all the amazing kids who care so much about others... and for parents and teachers that are teacher them about love and concern for others.  I would love to hear from you, so maybe you can get your teacher to leave me a comment! Also to everyone who has been bringing cans by our house, you have blessed us soooo and we will continue to collect then until our baby is home! Thank you!!!!!!

The long LOA wait... update on our little man... and other stuff

     So we have now been waiting 61 days for our LOA... so much for the 45 day average, although there was a holiday in China during this time that ended today.  We need our LOA in the next three days to have a chance to travel before this year is up. Please pray... everyday feels like an eternity, and my heart aches to hold my little boy.

     So Elijah had surgery and he stayed in the hospital several days after to make sure he could get the focused care he needed during his recovery.  The surgery went well and he is doing beautifully now. Thank you God.  We were also blessed to get these...

I am completely in love with this little man.  He is adorable and Oh so sweet and I cannot wait to hug him and kiss his sweet cheeks. sigh

 





We have another fund raiser scheduled, for Nov 10.  A group from the cowboy church in Tyler contacted us after seeing the story on KLTV and they are setting up a benefit concert for our family. We are thankful for their help and I will add a link to a facebook page very soon. :)

I have to say there is some other information that is killing me to not be able to share publicly yet, but things are moving and prayerfully very soon we can share some beautiful news with the world.

Please pray for funding, and for paperwork to move quickly.

Love to you all...

Waiting, and surgery.

     We are on day 37 of our LOA wait, average wait is usually 45 days.  Right now those numbers have been all over the place some families are receiving them in 30 days and a few have been waiting over a 100(eek).  I am hoping and praying the numbers are accurate for us. :) 

     We got word this week our son Elijah, will have to have surgery :( We were informed and allowed to give our input, so we contacted a doctor here and got advice.  That advice was "heard" but not listened too.  So they are going to proceed with surgery.  It should be minor, but with a little guy, anesthesia and unknown medical care, my heart hurts.  Please be praying for him, for safety, and a quick accurate surgery with no other injuries.  My sweet sister gave me a beautiful image of Jesus holding him and talking to him through surgery.  She reminded me that even though we cannot be there God can... So I am holding to that image even though my Mommy heart wants to be with him so badly.

   Our fundraisers have so difficult lately, I am not sure why, and it has been heart wrenching.  We have been working hard to set them up and rally support to have to cancel due to lack of participation.  So we pray... and cling to our hope and faith in God.  I KNOW He is faithful... I know He is working even when I cannot see.  We did have a follow up done on our "Can our Yard" Fundraiser with KLTV and that sparked some calls from people who want to help us do fund raisers, we are so thankful and excited about that. :) Keep praying, we need wisdom and direction, we have a choice to make about a situation that will require another "leap of faith".  We need clarity and peace and we need our fundraisers to just explode :)

Thanks
Love you guys... Me

Correcting some misinformation...

     A quick update, we are thankful for KLTV and the clip they did on our adoption fundraiser.  I just wanted to clarify, we do not know when we will travel.  We could maybe possibly travel as early as November, that would be God and a super fast process, but it could be as late as January.  They didn't include our blog address in the clip, but I am still praying God use that few seconds to connect someone's heart to ours that can help us bring our babies home.  So for now I am just going to leave you with this...

We are still blessed, still thankful, and still believe God is working even when we cannot see...

Off to bed, the princess starts kindergarten in the morning, My oldest baby also starts her new school in NY tomorrow, and my sweet boy is leaving us this weekend for his first year of college.  I pray our other babies will be in our arms and home soon.... :)

Night everyone... love you all

God knows what we need... and He is God even when we cannot see...

     So we were about to take a Sunday nap... and God had other plans.  Had to scramble to get out of my tank top and sweats because KLTV's Bob Hallmark rang our doorbell!!!!! He had been called or emailed several times about the massive banner in our yard for our "Can Our Yard Day" fundraiser.  I stood in our front yard crying as David spoke to him about our adoption and our fund raisers.  I have been tired, very tired.  Adoption does that too you, and fundraising is exhausting.  I just had a conversation yesterday with a friend about it, but God already knew, He was probably up in heaven smiling, saying to himself... " Wait daughter, I am here, and I love you, relief is coming".  Funny how we get tired and frustrated and when God moves it leaves us feeling humbled and wishing we were a better child.  That's the beauty of Gods love,  it isn't dependent on us.  He love us even when we fail, or are imperfect and I am so thankful. 

So it will be on tonight on KLTV at 10pm!!!! I have tried to update this blog and make sure the links for our fundraisers are all working. 

If you are here on our blog because you saw the story.  Thank you for stopping by,   we feel so blessed by every one's kindness, and the love we have been shown.  We love our community and our church family.  We are truly blessed to be surrounded by such good people.  We both grew up here but have lived in many places when my hubby was in the Air Force, and a few for other reasons, but no place compares to this!!! Take a look around, check out our babies pictures and the fundraising links.  Feel free to read our story on this blog and also on our blog from our first adoption.  The link to it is on the right below. Please pray for us as we work hard to bring these precious babies into our family, if you are able and want to support our fund raisers we would be so grateful. God bless you :) 

After typing this I realized I failed to mention we have an amazing MAOG family in PA that have prayed and supported through out this journey. To each of you, you have not allowed the miles between us to keep you from carrying us through, and we are so thankful...

Kathy

This is for you... Yes you

I am writing this to you, the one who has stood on the edge many times. You have come so close to taking that leap, you have lifted one foot into the open air just off the side of the cliff, and just as you began to lean your head back and slowly close your eyes... you hear it, that thing that makes your heart grow cold and numb. Those words so perfectly thought out, timed to perfection, spoken when your heart was standing with your back to him and your eyes on the God of faith.  His words make you sick to your stomach and you step back away from the edge, back to the comfort and security you know and you feel relief. Yes you have been here before, you have almost gone over the edge,but he always used something or someone to speak those exact words, the ones that give monstrous power to the fears inside. Fear that you will leap and God won't catch you, fear that you will step out and you will find yourself rejected and embarrassed, fear that you might look like a failure, or worse you might see yourself as one, fear that your choices may result in the tears of those you love "if things don't work out"  fear that you are too old, or too young, fear that the longing that has grown in your heart is just emotion.  Fear that maybe you need a special calling for the road ahead and you aren't sure you have it.  Let me clarify something, every single person who has taken this leap before you, did so with fear pounding in their hearts, and screaming in there ear. But they jumped anyway... Not because they were stronger or more sure but because they finally reached that place where they said "God I am nothing, I cannot do this, and I may end up rejected and embarrassed but if I do, I will know that I felt your tugging, I saw their faces and I hear their cries and I said yes!" I will rest knowing if I do this and it seems to fail with human eyes, that you had a greater purpose for me, and I will choose to still trust you.  You have a choice... Let fear keep you from what very well could be the greatest most beautiful journey of your life.  You can stay in safety, but you will never know the pure joy and perfect beauty of the road ahead. Or you can leap, and I promise you, you will feel the thrill of trusting God, and doing something so much greater than you.  Fear will follow, he will keep whispering, but his strength will diminish.  The journey will be wild and you will wonder if you are crazy sometimes... (You might  be lol) but you won't regret it of you keep your eyes on God, and when you look into the eyes of the child he has crafted perfectly for your family, you will understand why.  Leap and God will be faithful, because He wants this more than you.

If I know anything about you, I know this... Some little girl needs you to be her daddy, because you are the perfect one God has to show her his love and heal her hurt. Some little boy needs to ride on your shoulders and hear you call him son.  Do it for them, in the same way I know you would do it for your other children... Walk through this fire for your babies.... They need that momma and sister and brother, they need you. My family is praying for you, and we will continue to walk with you in every way possible... We love you.

Gods plans, and my plans...

So it has been a month since the last blog... I don't know why, life just happens so fast.  We are officially logged in in China, our LID date is August 7. 2013. So we have started the wait for our LOA(letter of approval).  The time frame for this is all over the place.  Some people get them in a week or two and some have been waiting over 100 days.  We are praying and hoping for a quick turn around.  Our little guy has gone too long without language, and he needs to come home. Please pray this goes through quickly.

We still have no match with our daughter.  We believe God is up to something and I hope to be able to share more about this soon.  For now I will just say pray for our babies, for those who are taking care of them.  Pray for every detail to fall into place and that they will be home quickly :)

Our fund raisers have not been doing very well.  I really don't know why that is.  It seems that we are meeting two very different feelings from people; 1) either they think if we are adopting, we should have the money to pay for it ourselves, or 2) they are busy and distracted and don't feel like it is their place to get involved.  Oh but we need help,  I wish that people could see what I see.  I wish they could see that very few adoptive parents have the money in the bank to just pay all the fees.  I wish they could see how great the need is for people from all walks of life to step up and stand together and help every child, no matter their age, find a home.  We also get the "there are so many kids here why aren't you helping them first before going to another country". Let me say, we are open to God bringing our children from anywhere He sees fit.  We believe one of our children is here, God just has some walls to move before she can be ours.  I would love to show everyone of the people who give us this "attitude" the conditions children in orphanages live in.  The lucky ones get to live in foster care. But thousands more live in group care facilities. Even in the best orphanages, where money isn't an issue, there are still not enough hands to do what a mother and father do.  In most cases the little ones lay/stand/sit in cribs, or walkers or potty chairs for hours a day.  I have seen kids with open sores on their heads because they lay for hours on a wooden bed. Yes I said wooden, no soft mattress, no foam pad, just a hard bed.  Babies come home that have learned to self sooth by banging their heads on cribs, our pulling their hair or pinching themselves.  Baby rooms are eerily quiet because they have learned crying doesn't help.  These are in the better orphanages.  In most cases this isn't because the nannies don't care, but they have many, many, babies/toddlers and only a few hands.  In some cases there isn't enough food, so the children are thin and much smaller than normal. Many are fed congee, which is a soft thick rice soup, usually with broth and little vegetables or meat. Older children are not guaranteed a chance to go to school.  Even when they are, culturally people don't want orphans in their schools because they see it as bad luck.  These conditions are no longer allowed in the United States.  Each child has someone checking the home and making sure there is enough space for them, and enough food to eat.  I know the system is flawed, I know children get hurt and abused in care here too. I know there are not enough hands here either, but care giving to orphans here is much different than other countries.  Some orphans receive great care, they are fed well and interacted with and educated, but my whole point is "don't assume you know something you don't" "Don't judge based on what you think you know about orphans".  The need is great here and in every country! No child should be valued over another because of where they were born. Get involved, ask an adoptive family what you can do to help them.  Assume they do need you, because most adoptive families are fund raising and there is much to do.  Many times your help is more needed than your money.  You may not be interested in the fund raiser they are doing but your mom or brother or friend or coworker may be.  You might not have the money to buy a ticket or an item they are selling but more than likely you know someone who can.  You can change an orphans life,  you can join a team and help give a child the gift of family.  So instead of forming opinions about what you think we should do, or be able to do... DO SOMETHING yourself :)

Ok off the soapbox again...

I am truly and forever blessed to be a part of adoption.  I am blessed by people who love us and are helping.  I am blessed to be called Momma by these precious kids God has given me, by birth or adoption.  I am grateful God has allowed me to walk this road, and even more grateful that He is walking it before me.  Thank you again for every prayer prayed and every cent given, for every moment of your time.  You are each a part of team Ferguson...  Thank you Father for all these blessings... :)

Kathy
Kathy

So much to tell.... so little space

     We have been busy bees since my last post.  My Mom, the munchkin and I went to Austin to get dossier documents certified.  I had 11 documents and was meticulous in preparing them... only to get there and have one rejected.  Apparently it and its twin copy got swapped at some point and we couldn't tell the difference.  No one in normal society would have been able to see it, but that lady got out here little looking glass like she was examining diamonds and rejected it.  Tried to say she could see pixels... I think she was nuts... she even let me look and I didn't see any pixels.  Apparently I am not an expert like she is.  I could have cried... but God knew this was gonna happen and he placed a wonderful courier in the room who handed me her card and was very compassionate.  So we took a side trip to Ikea... and then headed home. We replaced and mailed our lone document to the courier who was very quick and thorough and even saw us through what could have been a later consulate rejection.  Texas decided to change the gold seal for a black and white one, and due to other rejections and a lot of backlash from people they quickly changed back.  So she actually went to the office twice for us for one fee....(Btw her name is Pam Wendell 512-308-6377 with Authentex Solutions)

    This last week, David had a chance to go to Houston to do some training, and I took the opportunity to hand carry our dossier to the Chinese consulate.  We arrived on Monday two hours before the website said they closed, hoping to drop off that day to guarantee we could pickup ourselves.  While walking across the street to the consulate, I slipped on grass covered mud on the sidewalk.  Leaving a chunk of my skin behind, I was also holding Ariana's hand and she got a scraped knee (:( lost some Mom points for that one). So I checked her out then picked myself up... muddy and bloody and hobbled across the street, hoping they had a first aid kit.  Tried the front door, then decided maybe we needed to go to the visa door, it too was locked.  We spent the next fifteen minutes trying to call or figure out why they were not open.  What we realized is, authentications must be done during Visa hours... which ended at 3... we arrived at about 3:10.  So after 5 hours in the car, a chewed up foot, and locked doors... we went backed to the car, bandaged our wounds as much as possible with water and napkins. That's when we realized Ariana was mad... very mad.  Why?  Because her knee was scraped... She was looking at us like we had planned it out, she had not cried, or complained when it happen (it was minor and small).  Idk if she was waiting for my bloody foot to dry up or what, but the drama came out it full force in the car.  She couldn't move it, or set it down on her seat, and her Dad had accidentally touched it hooking the car seat. OH THE DRAMA... theeeennnnn when we checked into the hotel we found out our main source of entertainment for the week was green... no swimming for us.

     All was well though, Target provided toys and entertainment, the scratches are healing, the dossier is authenticated and in our hands, and we enjoyed Houston.  Got in a trip to the Aquarium and the zoo, and Ariana didn't stay mad too long....oh and the pool opened on Friday so we got to swim a little.

     The last and hardest thing I wanted to talk about is "viewing files".   This to me is the hardest, emotional and stressful part of adopting.  Some may think I over think it, or analyze them too long, but each of these kids are a gift from God.  Each one planned and molded by the hands of our Father.  I feel like I need to research and be overly thorough in making sure we couldn't make it work, because they deserve it. So I go through a rough process emotionally every time, and usually end up feeling like all the reasons to say "no" are selfish. Then their are those files that you can get a sneak peek at but never get the chance to be their parent because someone else got to them first.  We are waiting on a match with our daughter, and it seems everyone else is too.  There are so many boys... so many... so if you are starting your process, consider one of these amazing little guys.  Our son is amazing... and if we had not opened our hearts to boys, we would never have been matched with him.

    We have received 2 grants since our last post, and they made a large dent in the massive number we still owe.  We cling to our faith that God is going to meet this need.  He has provided ever time we needed a fee, and we are facing a large sum in a short amount of time.  4-6 months and about 30 thousand still to go, including travel cost.  We ware applying for a few more small grants.  So please keep praying for us, and we are open to any ideas you may have.  This is a crazy rough journey, but I feel blessed to be walking it... tired right now, but blessed all the same.

Love.
Kathy

Apparently I am completely ruined

So on Father's Day as everyone celebrates and thinks about and honors their dads, all I can think about are the millions of children that have no idea what that means. This struggle began in me days ago as saw posts starting to go up on Facebook. I watched a great video the skit guys posted on being a father, I fought hard to keep from posting a response to them. I am consumed, my heart is broken because I know so many will fall asleep tonight aching for a daddy's arms. Even worse some will fall asleep with no idea who or what a daddy is. With every beautiful post I read about a father today the ache grew stronger. Daddy's can you hear them? Can you see their precious faces? They need you more than you know. Imagine growing up with ever changing faces, never knowing who will be there tomorrow. I have to be honest... These kids need Daddy's because they need to learn about the greatest dad of all... God. They need YOU not your money, not a week of your time, not a new toy or shoes, they need YOU. Your arms, your hand, your shoulder to ride on, your prayers, your life. They need you to be their hero, so that they can see that they have a savior.  I pray you hear them and see them. I pray God bring them to your mind all through out your day, I pray that when you lay down to rest you see their faces. I pray that their cries grow so loud you cannot rest until you find them. I pray that the stirring you feel in your heart right now swell into a raging storm that won't let you rest until they all have fathers.  I pray your heart is forever changed... Oh God I pray...  And while they wait and precious moments of their life slip by, I pray God that you hold them and love them and make your self so real to them. I pray that you calm their hearts and let them see that though their human fathers have abandoned that you are forever constant.

.... I pray next year you have a new face in your home and new hands reaching out to you saying "Happy Fathers Day Daddy!"

Both Hands project... change.

This Both Hands project has been crazy... There has been another update.  We were given bad news from the city of Gladewater, that they have not approved anyone to bring in a newer mobile home on a current lot. They apparently don't care about the individual situations all they care about is making sure they don't have to say yes to anyone else. So basically the family decided they would not be moving forward and risking the loss of the fee they would have to pay to challenge the city ordinance.  I understand this, if they could afford to throw away money they wouldn't need a waiver in the first place.  So we will be going back and doing the best we can to bandage up this sweet ladies house and make it safer for her.  If you are reading this and you have any ideas or solutions please send me a message. 

Thank you for praying... I know God loves this sweet lady and I am choosing to believe He has a plan even though I cannot see.

 

Both Hands project... to be continued.

Ok so Saturday was our Both Hands project, and God blessed us with a beautiful day. It is amazing to me that we are in June and we worked outside for hours and didn't fry to a crisp.  No one was injured, (except for Ariana whacking my ankle with a shovel lol) We had 17 people show up who worked hard all day to make Mrs. Wilsons yard look amazing.  Big thanks goes to our crew, made up of David and I, Destin & Ariana, Marvin Goforth, Loretta Goforth, Helen Smith, Lisa Whitmire, Phillip Whitmire, Jenifer Goude, Pastor Brian Rayburn & Garret Rayburn, JoRene Miller, and three people from Mrs. Wilsons church, Ashley Holmgren, Austin Hill & His dad Junior, and Kenny DeYoung came out and checked the AC and heat for us.  Our plan was to have the whole team (except David) work outside in the yard planting cleaning and raking,  David was going to start work on an addition that needed some repair inside and out.  He and Pastor Brian got started but quickly realized they were going to be rebuilding the entire outside wall due to water damage.  We broke for lunch around 12 and planned to move inside... which is where the change of plans began.  After going inside to get started all my hard working positive, "we can get this done" lady friends agreed this was not the best approach. They all felt (as I originally did) that the few things we had time to do would be like putting duck tape over a band aide on a large gaping wound. So with some discussion we agreed to call the family and let them in on the plan we tried to pull off, we are going to help them fight the city to get a newer mobile home moved onto her lot... So I am not sure how long this may take, or how it will affect our Both Hands project video.  Which needs to be done, as we are told most donations come in after the video is posted.  So please be praying for us, that all the details will fall into place and we can get this precious lady a better home. So.... after making a decision we all went back outside to finish the yard clean up which took a couple more hours... yes it was that big of a job :)

Now to the sappy part... I left that evening and as I drove home I was just thinking about the day, mostly the people who came out to work with us. I was overwhelmed with emotion, with pride, I felt so blessed to have each of them in our lives.  Thinking about their work and sacrifice for my family and Mrs. Wilson brought tears. I have said it many times but this adoption stuff brings out the beauty around you.  I hope I was able to express my gratitude to each one of you who came out... I hope you know that I will not forget. I will make sure Elijah and Eva know of the love you guys poured out and how hard you have worked to bring them home to us. 

I want to say something else to Garret, Phillip, and Destin... you three made me so proud,  young guys get a bad wrap sometimes because they tend to goof off or grumble about work,  but what I saw was three young men working hard without complaint and having a good time doing it...(despite some serious spider phobias lol) ...you are amazing young men of God and I don't know where life may take you but I am sure that you are forever a part of the legacy of two precious kids in China.  So thanks guys...

So this week holds more work on the addition, because the second side needs rebuild too, and therapy in Dallas then fingerprinting for USCIS.  Pray we get matched soon with our baby girl.

Thanks for all who were praying for us, it was a wonderful day.

Both Hands project and waiting for a match...

So our Both Hands project (http://bothhandsfoundation.org/david-and-kathy-ferguson) is fast approaching.  We are very busy getting supplies donated and planning out jobs and people to lead them.  This has been a bumpy journey but I am so excited to help out this sweet lady.  We have had some frustrating moments since we started.  Mrs. Wilson lives in an old mobile home outside of Gladewater. We went to visit her and were heartbroken at the condition of her home.  It needed replaced, not repaired.  So David got busy calling and before it was said and done we had 3 different newer mobile homes donated to replace hers... the problem... Gladewater city ordinance wont allow us to move in a newer mobile home because she is inside city limits. I get it in most places but she is not in town and her mobile home is surrounded by others.  The only way to fight it would be to pay a large fee and get Mrs Wilson involved in the fight.  Not possible... we are trying to help her not stress her out... grr... We then approached the Longview builders association because it was suggested by a council member they might be able to help us build her a new small pier and beam house.... we were shocked when all they decided to do was encourage members to donate supplies to habitat for humanity store and we could buy them from them... gee thanks.  I was frustrated and heart broken thinking we would have to leave her in her home.  I have come to terms with it and we are planning to do everything we can to repair, replace and paint and landscape and clean and and and and.... we have a great group of people helping... but we still need more hands.  We have been working to get supplies donated so help us pray.... I know God loves this sweet lady, and she sure loves Him... If you want to join our team please email me...

In other news, our Agency is currently in China visiting orphanages and that means we could be matched with our daughter very soon.....

While writing this email I went to get the mail and we got our fingerprint appointments with USCIS!!!!!! I am beyond excited!!!! It is two weeks away and we are going to investigate the possibility of doing a walk in appointment a week earlier.  Say a prayer about it for us... Breathe Kathy.... breathe..... I know God is working... I know we is weaving and the timing couldn't be better... there is beautiful potential for a match...

Ok off to plan my Austin trip to get dossier docs authenticated....

Love to all....
Kathy

Pictures of our little guy.

So apparently I have been holding out on you guys for no reason.  I found out since we have preapproval we can post pictures of Elijah.  So here goes....

This was our first glimpse at his sweet face. 

 

 

 Then we received these... I just wanna kiss his face!

 

I have no idea why there are two candles... or why he is showing two fingers,  maybe he was confused too lol since he is 4. :)

 

 

So there you have it, a face to pray for.... he is gorgeous and I adore him... Keep him and us in your prayers.  Pray for a quick process and for all the funds to be raised.  Pray that it is easy for him.  As far as we know (and just like Ariana) he hasn't been taught sign language.  However she has done amazingly well and I believe he will too.  I cant wait to give him words so he can have a voice.

 

 

 

Step by Step

It has been too long since we've had an update... so here goes.  Our Homestudy came to us by mail last week... but... the notary's license expired in two months (a no no with China)... sooooo we had to scramble to get it redone and in our hands again.  We also decided to double check our other notarized documents we have gathered for our dossier, and in true Ferguson style, we had to have two sets redone.  All is well though, we beat the deadline for Show Hope grants for this quarter. YAY! It will be a while before we hear if we will receive one, but it is good to know our paperwork is in. We have sent our USCIS paperwork in (arrived at the PO box Wednesday in Dallas), and we once again have to wait. :) We are hearing it is taking about 60 days right now to get approval.  Anyone who knows me knows I don't wait well... I start tearing down walls and tearing out flooring and organizing everything I can get my hands on. :D I have bought a few things for the kids, even thought I don't have exact sizes yet, I know it may mean returns but I needed something I could but my hands on. We have been working on the house, and have walls up and insulation in the new room.  It is slow going for the rest of the remodel, as we are pouring all "extra" funds into bringing our babies home (so if you haven't gotten an invite to my house lately, now you know why).  I have been doing pretty well this time not letting the dollar signs get to me.  I guess because God brought us through bringing our first adopted princess home.  So I know He is faithful and I know He loves adoption.  However... I had a rough day on Thursday,  many things came into play that emotionally just pushed me over the edge.  I felt a sense of panic over the amount of money we still have to pay.  The struggle to fund raise gets to me sometimes,  and I feel like a beggar.  Other times I am so full of faith and I see clearly.  In those times I plan well and hope and believe the best will come from each fund raiser. I can see that I am a part of a bigger picture God is painting.  It is times like Thursday though that I feel very alone, and very small.  Thankfully, it was a Thursday, and I was making my regular trip to Dallas for the princess's speech therapy.  I had plenty of time to talk to God and listen to Christian radio... :)

Many of you know my Destin is graduating in a month... my baby boy is all grown up.  So we are busy with lots of senior stuff (expensive things... whatever were we thinking starting an adoption process during senior year? lol) It also brings so many emotions.  I am so proud of him, he is an amazing young man, with a beautiful heart who loves God with all he is.  I cant wait to see where God is going to take him.  Graduation is also bringing our Ashlyn home!!! I cannot wait to see her, It has been 9 months since I have been able to hug her.   Ariana is not going to let Ash go back home. 

No update on our baby girl (Eva) yet, we have our sweet Elijah's pictures and we pray for them both.  Please keep us in your prayers, as we work and fund raise and do all we can to bring two more treasures into our family.  If you want to donate there are 3 ways to do so right now.  There is a link on the top right of this page for our both hands project (many of you received a letter about this), these donations are tax deductible, and I also have a paypal link that come directly to us.  You can also send me message requesting an address if you would like. We are planning our next fund raiser and will hopefully have a matching grant set up for that one.

I cannot thank you all enough for your love, prayers and support.  I do not have a list of specific donations that were given at our benefit concert (since they went through the church), so I know I said this before but if you sent a donation, I hope you know we are very, very thankful!! I am sorry I couldn't thank everyone individually who gave. God weaves so many lives together during adoption that may never have connected before, and each and every one is precious to us.  We love you...

Love
Kathy

Fundraising and more fundraising...

We have been so busy planning and adding more fund raisers to our list.  We had our Cheeburger Cheeburger fundraiser and had some great support.  We have not received word yet as to the exact amount raised, I hope to hear in the next day or so. It isn't a huge fund raiser but every single dollar counts.  Our homestudy is done and favorable, we are just waiting, not so patiently, for the official copy.  Then onto filing our Uscis forms and the long wait to get them back begins.  We already have many of the things we need for our dossier, so that is good.  We will then try and keep busy by filling out applications for every grant under the sun... and of course more fund raising :).

For families thinking about adopting, I feel like I need to address something.  This fund raising is tough stuff, more emotionally than physically.  The physical part can be a bit draining, but emotionally, to me, this is the hard part.  There are so many judgmental people, people who have their own opinion about our fund raising (and about our adoption).  Their comments are so draining sometimes.  People who are suppose to be friends, and even sometimes family members, begin to avoid you, and I don't mean because you are asking for money.  We are doing an amazing project, called Both Hands, one for the widow and one for the orphan.  We have needed a team, a rather large team of people to help make this a success. So I have written letters, sent out invites in many ways and even talked to some people directly.  I have been allowing all of the not so good responses to weigh on me.  I cannot fathom not wanting to help with this project, it cost the team members nothing but time.  Yet it is a direct reflection of James 1:27. So I have found myself feeling frustrated and angry, and trying to figure out why I feel this way.  These are people I love, that I know love me.  So I have been talking to God, and asking Him why I am feeling this way, what is it that bothers me so?  I believe I have found some clarity.  I realized, their rejection is playing on my own insecurities and fears.  I took their rejection as a rejection of me, as if by saying no, or they were too busy that somehow they were saying I wasn't good enough.  It felt like they were saying "no I am sorry, I don't believe in you, or what you feel you are called to do" .  The little girl in me is longing for support, and to be surrounded in a cocoon of faith and love from my friends and family.  I dream, literally and in my heart of having fundraisers where we are blown away by the support.  I read blogs of other adoptive families and hear there stories of the number of people that came to help them, and I ache for that.  I think because this journey can feel very lonely.  Most days, it feels like people don't really understand. Of course there is the enemy whispering in my ear, that I am not good enough, telling me people would be more supportive of a different couple.  Pointing out all the things that didn't go as well as we hoped, and even telling me that God blesses other peoples fund raisers but not ours.  It is exhausting... and I have to fight my way out of those lies far to often. 

If you are reading this, and you know of a family that is walking their own adoption journey, please I beg you, go to them, tell them all the time you believe in them and what they are doing.  Remind them constantly of the good God is doing. Support every fundraiser, even if you don't have a dime to give, that doesn't matter, God can still use you to carry them through.  There is always something you can do. Point out all the positive things people are doing to support. because there is truth in that.  For every doubter, there is another who believes, I AM supported, and loved and encouraged by a group of people.  However the enemy is sly and he knows my weaknesses.  I can also tell you he has fought my family every single step of the way.  It happened through out our first adoption journey and it is happening again. This time the financial amount is greater and their are two lives to be ransomed.  This road, though amazing and beautiful and worth it, is HARD, and lonely, and scary.  It makes you question everything you are and what you are capable of. The enemy has attacked our family, our finances, our home, our marriage and our health, all since we stepped out on faith a second time.  Speaking of...

I will not give up... I will not stop fighting until I step off that plane onto American soil with my babies in my arms.  I will pray and cry and fund raise, I will fight.  Although I may be weak at times I will always get back up, because I don't do what I do in my own strength, it is Gods, and His strength is infinite.  I may feel afraid, but fear will not control me, I will keep going.  I may not know where the money is coming from, but I don't have to know because I know God does.  I may feel alone, but I cling to the promise that "He will never leave me or forsake me".  I may be sad or angry sometimes when the weight of the words spoken in doubt distract me... but I will always, always go back to this... Gods words declares over and over that we are to care for the widow and the orphan... I am walking out that word, and simply for that reason alone, God will meet me, He will bless us, HE will bring His children, especially chosen by Him to be my children into my home.  He will complete this work!

Sigh... just needed to put that out there.  Let me also say, THANK YOU to every one who has been there, praying, supporting both emotionally and physically our fund raising efforts.  Thank you to those who have stepped outside their own lives and given of their time for these precious babies,  and thank you for everyone who has joined our team,  God loves what you are doing for the widow and the orphan, and I know it makes Him smile...

Sorry for the scattered post, I love you all.

Kathy 

Great NEWS!!!

Pre-approval recieved!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Our little guy... to be named Elijah Miles Ferguson will be joining our family... dont know exactly when yet. I feel such relief and the tiny dam that held my heart back from falling head over heals was shattered when I heard those words "you are pre-approved!" Thank you God for this priceless gift!

Oh the drama...

Ok so since the last post we have had a little drama.  Ok it was alot of drama in a short period of time.  So our fabulous agency locked us in with our little guy and sent of our information for pre-approval.  The next day Sara went back to check and it had disappeared.  There was nothing in the sytem about it at all. Our little man was still floating on the shared list to be scooped up at any moment by another agency or family. AHHHHHHHHHHH!  So she immediatly went to work to redo the forms and get him locked again.  NOTHING she did worked she tried all day in everyway she could.  Meanwhile I sent out a distress text to my precious prayer circle of family and friends. We all (Sara included) prayed as she continued to do whatever she could to lock him in again.  The day wore on, and we waited for morning in China, Sara emailed her rep in China and he went to work.  They had no luck in figuring out what happened or why, but he was able to convince CCCWA to allow Madison to lock his file with their agency. We didnt find this out until early the next morning.   Sara got very little sleep, this lady is amazing and truely cares about these kids and families she works with. Most precious to us, the message we recieved from her gave the glory to God. By later that day she had us officially locked in again and our paperwork filed.  Things are slow processing pre-approvals right now, what normally takes two days is taking about five.  So we have been waiting, today China asked a clarification question so we hope to get final approval on him tomorrow.  So I hope to be posting very soon that we are officially locked with him.

I am so in awe of God, this little boy is meant for us, I truly believe that. 
............................................................................................I have seen His hand in all of this. 

I want to address a few things in this blog;

*Anyone who has walked through this crazy adoption journey knows you take nothing lightly.  You pray and think and talk with your spouse through every detail.  No decision is made without peace and clarity from God and a unified decision with your spouse and sometimes your children.  We have a band of people praying for us and with us about every detail. That said, this entire thing is a leap of faith.  Faith that God will provide, faith that He will give peace and clarity. Faith that you are doing what pleases God by loving His children.  It is a scary decision and one that requires you to take your eyes off of yourself and look to God and say, God only you can do this, because I am not good enough.  So when we share our good news with you, about our children, dont look at us and say " have you prayed about this?"  because the answer is "are you nuts? of course we prayed, and prayed and prayed some more!! Do you think we would decide to walk through paying to be judged and scrutinized and emotionally exhausted, without praying first? Do you think we would put our selves through the ups and downs and joys and heartaches without Gods leading?  Do you think we would face the fear of massive finacial barriers without the assurance that the God who sees all promised to walk with us? If you learn anything... learn this... when you adopt, you pray!"

*Also, dont give me the "you know there are kids here in America that need homes?"  Especially when you have not lifted one finger to help those precious children.  Our hearts ache for every child without a home, when we hold an event we honor all of them.  We talk about their needs, and ask people to see them and pray for them and adopt them.  With that said, let me focus on our individual decision.  We started looking here in the US, our hearts began at home,  but God knew of a beautiful raven haired little girl, who is brilliant but no one knew because she had no words, and needed a Daddy an Momma to give her a life she could never have in her country.  God knew that little girl was created to be a Ferguson  So when you want to second guess that decision you talk to Him.  Do you really think we wouldnt want to go the easier route (if there is one) and have much less money due, and no travel, and only 6 months to be free of follow up visits and social workers? To have government money and insurance helping us pay their way to adulthood? GOD led us to our child the first time and He is doing the same thing again. Again... something we spend many hours and days praying about.

Adoption is beautiful and priceless, each and every child is a gift... so instead of sitting around deciding if we are doing the right thing, the right way, according to your opinion, get up of your throne and do something, anything, to be Gods hands and feet.  We dont adopt because it feels good, or it is a fun hobby, or for some emotional high,  we do it because as Christians we have been commanded in scripture to take care of them.  So that is what we will do, and your opinion, though we love you, will not deter us from that.

*There was one more but I forgot... guess that will be for later.

Ok off the soap box.... Thank you to all of those who encourage us and support us and remind us God is with us, your words are powerful and priceless.  We have the power to speak life or death to those beside us on this faith journey, ....what will you speak? 

Kathy

Matching

Ok so as you know I don't wait well.  So I may have to come back in a couple days and tell you that China has rejected our requests, but I have to keep it real.  This is part of the journey.  So here goes.... We filed paperwork today to place a precious child on hold,  which means if China pre-approves us, we will be matched with this child.  As most of you know we have been looking for a little girl with hearing loss, preferably a couple years younger than Ariana. So During our One Less event we were drawn to a picture, a face that ignited a chain of events that God had been laying the groundwork for. We requested a couple files that we were not expecting to be looking at. Which prompted our agency to send us another file, that was new to the shared list.  The file of a child that would settle into our hearts so peacefully, and make us reconsider things we weren't sure about. A child from the exact same city as Ariana, and just over a year younger... a child that looks like HE could be her biological brother..... Let that soak in a bit..................................................... .....................................................................................................................................................
...... We could very well be officially locked in with this gorgeous little boy in a few days!  I have no doubt that he would blend in perfectly in our family.  All three of our kids are on board for the switch, and strangely I am at complete peace about him.  The house is another issue,  we have to put up a wall and basically build a room to make this work.  That is a job... but the story doesn't end there.  We also made the decision to "for sure" pursue adopting two at once. (thus the need for the room) We are looking to also be matched with a girl as well.. younger than both of the younger two. Paperwork has begun, and our social worker has been notified. Which means... we have increased our overall cost by another 12 to 15 thousand dollars. Yes you read that right... and you are probably thinking we are nuts. I am thrilled and scared and in awe of God.  I find myself once again reminding Him that He must do this because we can't. Our homestudy will be ready soon, and we will file with USCIS for two precious babies.  so please pray for us,  and for every step of this process. We will know in a couple days if China approves us to adopt this sweet boy. Pray that we find favor with everyone that looks at our file.  We will be applying for grants as soon as our homestudy is in our hands. So..... pray people!!! aaaaahhhhhhhhh lol

A boy! Who Knew? we are working on names now... I have a couple favorites... but that is for a later blog. OOOOH and if you saw my facebook status recently you may have wondered about this opportunity I mentioned. We volunteered at a Show Hope sponsorship booth back at the end of the year last year at an Andrew Peterson concert. We got a notice of another volunteer opportunity and we quickly said yes.  Casting Crowns will be in Longview on April 4th at the Belcher Center and we will be there, helping Show Hope spread the word about adoption. I am so excited.  I love helping Show Hope in anyway, but when that is coupled with being available to share our story with others who may be interested in adoption, I am thrilled.

Ok enough, sorry for the long blog...
Love you guys...
Kathy

One Less

I have wrestled the last couple days, because I am always very honest and open about things.  I think that families reading these blogs and considering adoption need to see the real story not some sugar coated version.  However I am going to be very careful because there are some very generous people in my life and I don't want to minimize how wonderful that is. That said... here is the story...

The day started out well, we had some details to finish but God had helped us through it all so far, we were nervous and excited about what was to come, and the lives that could be changed.  As time progressed we got set up and ready, we had water and cookies in the lobby for sale during intermission, and one of our fund raisers, a quilt we are making and allowing people to purchase the right to sign for our newest child.  I had a table for Madison (our agency) for those who wanted more information about them, and just adoption in general.  I never remember to have someone take pictures, but we did video the concert, and speakers.

When it was time to start we had a handful of people there, we decided to delay for about 15 minutes hoping people where just late.  We had a few more people come in, but didn't want to keep them waiting any more.  With all the helpers and family and artists, I think we had about 60 people.  Now here is where honesty comes in.  I was very disappointed, and sad,  I stood in the sound booth praying that God help me to refocus to not see things with my eyes but through His.  I would love to say that instantly I felt peace and moved on happily.  It didn't play out that way,  I was hurt and disappointed and was hearing the voice of the enemy, his steady whisper in my ear telling me that I wasn't good enough,  that people didn't care enough about us, that we weren't popular or likable enough to draw out a crowd.  We did the leg work, passed out fliers posted them all over town, had it announce on our local radio station and had a facebook page with hundreds of people invited (which I posted over and over :) ).  Still only 60 or so, including all of us came out (and only a handful from my own church). So I did what I knew I needed to do,  I paced in that booth and prayed and fought through the fog that was trying to settle in around me,  trying to keep me from sharing our story with strength and confidence,  Trying to steal the beauty of the gifts that were given of peoples time, effort, prayers, heart and money. Peace did come, and clarity filled my heart.  This was Gods night, His message, I was just a part of the message ringing out.  I saw the beauty around me and the love,  I felt surrounded and blanketed in it.  The night did not follow my ideal, it wasn't my way,  but it was Gods.  I trust that the message rang deep into the hearts of everyone there, and seeds were planted.  I trust that those children's faces that looked back from the big screens during every song are burned into our minds.  I trust that the people that were there were moved and changed and they will be moved to bring change :) My niece put on a powerful performance for these orphans so close to her heart. The music was beautiful, and Brandy Flanagan and her family shared their beautiful story.  We shared some of our story and our hearts, and I was at complete peace.  The night was great, and I feel sad for those who missed out.  As it came to a close I felt completely fulfilled, knowing I am walking smack dab in the middle of Gods perfect will for me.  These babies are my heart, and I am so blessed God allows me to walk beside Him as He finds them homes.

I want to say thank you, to every artist, every person who helped, or prayed, to everyone who gave up there time and came and sat with us for a little while.  Thank you to those who live far away and could not come, but I felt your love and support.  Thank you for every single dollar given to help bring our baby home.   I don't want to embarrass anyone by naming names, but to those who sent money in through the church before the event... thank you.   I cannot express to you what all of these things mean to us.  We raised just over a thousand dollars at this event, and if you look at the number of people there that were not workers, that is AMAZING!  Most importantly,  Thank you Father, for the beauty you wove into that night, and our lives.  For these amazing generous people you have placed in our life.


Oh and for those of you who don't know,  our day was made more perfect because we carried the joy in our hearts of the arrival of Lorvens into the United States.  He came home with the Huber family from Pa, the night before,  he is now One Less... 

So we will keep on moving forward, praying for a miracle, but working all the way doing our part. Keep praying for our match, and our precious kids, where ever they are.

Love, Kathy

Beauty

God is the beauty in the midst of chaos, and my reminder that no matter what I can see or feel He is there, in control.  Not for one moment does He forsake us.  This is what carries me through rough spots, what gently refocuses me when circumstances get confusing. I have been listening to Merideth Andrews song "Not For A Moment" You should look it up, it is beautiful.

There is so much happening right now.  We had our in home visit with our new social worker.  She is a very kind, bubbly lady, with a beautiful South African accent who seemed to be comfortable with us.  She was very taken with Ariana, who by the way, showed her to her bedroom and proceeded to sing a mini concert for her on her little stage with her microphone, all the while signing to her demanding she raise her hands in worship.  Lol I don't know what this child is going to be but she has the heart of a worship leader, and the girl sings with more heart and passion that most hearing people.

Our One Less event, is quickly approaching,  we have had some exciting developments, (which you will have to come to see), and we have had some disappointment, the kind that sends you head spinning and fear begins to whisper in your ear all the "what ifs".  I have been praying for God to bless this event, to be there and weave every moment together so that everyone who comes is touched and changed by these beautiful waiting children.  I know that is good, what I didn't realize was along the way I somehow shifted some of the hope onto the event and not the event planner. So with a big disappointment God gently reminded me, "Hello, I am here, I have this, not you, not the people supporting you, I have this.  I walked before you every step of the way the last time, and I will do it again"  Silly me... getting caught up in planning and work, like I could somehow do something like this myself.  I love the busy-ness, I love working to help these kids, I am blessed to be a part of every God moment He gives me to share about our adoption and what God has done. I also love knowing that it isn't my work that brings about any change, it is God,  and I just get to go along for the ride, and share in what He is doing.

Anyway things may not be exactly as I had planned but they will be beautiful.  I am so excited!  I want to say thank you again to everyone who has been praying for us, and supporting and encouraging us. I can feel the love and support.  To those two beautiful woman who helped talk me through my recent disappointment, I love you both sooo and I am thankful for you.  I am thankful for all the different voices He uses to remind me, and the hands that gently turn my face to Him.  I don't always see clearly, but today, I do and I see how truly blessed I am.

:)

Riding the roller coaster...

So if this journey is anything it is full of ups and downs.  If I am anything, it is honest, so I am sorry you have to endure my ups and downs with me :).  We are still waiting to find out who our child/children will be this time, and anyone who knows me or followed our journey to Ariana, know I don't wait well.  I get paperwork, and get it done asap and then I have to wait on other people.  Other amazing, passionate, wonderful people who understand our impatience and respond with kindness.  You learn alot about yourself when walking this path, and you grow.  You become more flexible and you find yourself open to things you didn't think you would be.  It will be interesting to see what challenges our little one/s will come home with this time.  So for the last few days I have been at the bottom of one hill fighting the hardest part of the climb up the huge hill in front of us. Today I feel the steady climb, I can see the top, I am excited about the thrill of the ride down, hands in the air, wind in my face loving every second.  I also know that as the momentum slows, there will be many more slow starts and maybe even some times of getting stuck on the way up, trapped with no way off... and honestly I wouldn't want off.  Ok enough cheesy analogies...

One Less benefit is quickly approaching and I am excited,  I got word today I will be allowed to do one of the things I am most excited about during the night,  I also am hopeful we will have some of our tshirts ready to sell that night.  We are putting together a quilt fundraiser (note to self, buy squares!!!).  The basic idea is, we will choose a pattern and buy quilt squares, then we will sell the right to sign a square, these squares will then be sown together into a quilt for our newest addition to sleep with.  I love the idea that they will be wrapped in messages of love from people who helped to bring them home.  I am trying to find a compatible gadget to add to this blog that shows our financial progress along the way.  So if you know of one let me know.

Ok that is all for now, I think... keep the prayers coming, I feel them carrying me today.  I am truly thankful for each and everyone who is supporting us.  I am amazed at how God weaves people together at the right time... so for each of you reading this... thank you, because even if we have never met in person, God designed this moment, and I am blessed you are here.

Love,
Kathy

Confession time

Hey friends,

I must confess, I am a mess today.  I am overwhelmed by everything I need to do.  I need some support and encouragement... so I am asking... HELP???? We are working hard to organize and get the word out for our OneLess event,  I am very excited about that night, for many reasons, but I am also terrified no one will come.  I want so badly to pack the house and get the word out.  I want so desperately to do good for these precious children waiting.  I know all the things I should be thinking but for some reason my aching heart is driving the show right now. So maybe I am writing this to encourage myself.. IDK so here goes

I know God is in control
I know He loves me and He loves these children
I know people care, they are just busy with their own lives and struggles
I know God has heard my cries
I know He will be faithful to complete this work
I know that He has already found my child/children and is holding them in His hand right now
I know that just like last time He is with me in these times when I cannot see past the pile of paperwork and financial due dates
I know that the majority of people are supportive and not judgemental about our fundraising
I know this fund raiser will be a success

The problem has been my focus, the enemy works so hard to get my eyes on the struggle and the overwhelming mountain in front of me, he pushes relentlessly until the fear is smothering.  I even while typing this I see the state I am in today is my fault.  I have been listening to the wrong voice, and looking at the "don't haves" like the facebook list of people coming to our event that isn't growing like I feel it should. So as I struggle to keep my eyes fixed on God,  I would ask that you pray for me, and my family.  Please pray for our fund raisers that they will be well supported and successful. Pray that I will recognize when the enemy is using my fear to lead my passion in the wrong direction.

I seem to always be reminded in times like these of the song "What Faith Can Do" By Kutless

What Faith Can Do

 

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes
And make a new beginning

Anyone can feel the ache
You think it's more than you can take
But you're stronger
Stronger than you know

Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason
For someone not to try

Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright

Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That's what faith can do)
When the world says you can't
It'll tell you that you can

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
That's what faith can do

Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

I will leave it at that and go pray and hold to those words...
Thanks guys...
Kathy